Throughout the past few years of my life, I have become extremely accustomed to staying busy. Between working different jobs, focusing on school and extracurriculars and making plans with family and friends, I have definitely gotten used to constantly being on the go. To no surprise, such a rigorous schedule has come with a great deal of sleep deprivation and stress, but it has also become somewhat of a second nature to me. I love to stay busy and keep myself occupied as much as possible, though it never really occurred to me why I have always felt so strongly about having a packed schedule - that is, until now.

I look back on my life from what seems as recent as a year ago today, and my world was completely different. I was involved in a different relationship, I kept different company, and I even lived in a completely different place. Reflecting on this now, it simply blows my mind to think that so much has changed so quickly, though I knew that this major change in my life was going to be inevitable. In some ways, I am grateful for the changes that life has brought me because I know it is allowing me to grow as a person and enjoy new, positive experiences. Yet, I am also wrapping my mind around the idea that one can lose so much so quickly, all while finding ways to cope with it - and I truly believe this is due to a lull in my daily schedule.

I am coming to realize that my inherent need to constantly keep myself busy was coming from a place of fear - fear of being alone, fear of being forced to address the changes that have quickly occurred in my life, and a fear of being unable to process them. At this time last year, I kept my schedule particularly tight, with almost no room for error or extra plans. Now that I am at a different stage in my life, things this time of year are very quiet. Whether I like it or not, there are simply hours or days where I am forced to spend time alone. Most of the time, I am definitely not happy about it, but in moments like these, I am grateful that I am learning how to take care of myself, both mentally and physically, on my own time and without having to rely on others to occupy me. Though there are a lot of negative experiences that can accompany change and adjustment, I feel blessed to be able to experience such a positive on this journey as well.