So, everyone has flaws, right? Nobody has ever been perfect. Obama isn’t perfect. Trump certainly isn’t perfect. I’m not perfect. And I’m sure there are things that suck about you. Everyone has flaws, and people in life sort of have to deal with that in anyway they can. That isn’t saying no one can help another person or other people because of flaws. Helpful criticism, assistance, or even just straight up acknowledgement when appropriate is a great thing to receive when you have a flaw that inhibits other people or even yourself. “Helpful” and “when appropriate” are the operative word or phrases, however. Because something that really angers me, something that takes the jelly out of my doughnut, and puts the javelin in my spine, is when people point out flaws when it is NOT helpful, and when it is NOT appropriate.

Now, there are two reasons I can think of for someone to point out flaws: They are stupid, or they are a terrible person. No hyperbole. If you have ever felt the need to bring up someone’s weaknesses in an unhelpful situation, you are a social moron, or you are an awful person. And I’ll explain both right here. I will describe two scenarios in which people point out flaws, and they are either stupid or terrible to do so.

In this scenario, let’s say that the two main individuals don’t know each other. Like, this is the first time they have ever seen or heard of each other. So one person says something, and then the other person says, “Man, you have a weird voice.” Criticizing someone’s voice never has the potential to be helpful. No one can change their voice on a whim. Now, there are two reasons that you would deliberately mention someone’s voice like this. Option one is that you are a socially inept buffoon, and had no reason to do so, or at least a piss-poor reason. You had no intention of making the conversation awkward or insulting, but by pointing out the flaw in the individual, you have done both. And in my book, not knowing the obvious result of something you do makes you stupid. Option two, however, is way worse. Option two is that you knew exactly what was going to happen when you said the criticism, which was make the other person feel worse. That makes you an awful person. Because no matter the intricacies of your decision to make someone else’s day worse, the fact is that you consciously decided to hurt someone, and for that, you are an evil person.

Ok, so that scenario admittedly doesn’t happen very often, or at least not to that extreme. But you’ve probably have borne witness to that sort of thing, where someone criticizes someone else for no beneficial reason. It’s manic. However, this second scenario is so likely to happen, that whether you like to admit it or not, you have probably been an active participant in a scenario much like this, or at least did not put a stop to it. It involves the criticizer, and someone other than the person being criticized. The criticizer says to the other guy, “Jesus, that person has a weird voice.” Again, saying this could never help anyone. As stated above, criticizing someone’s voice like that could never help anyone, but it comes with the added reason of saying it behind their back. The only result of you saying this to someone else is that you want that someone else to lower their opinion of the person being criticized. If you didn’t mean to do this, you are stupid, and if you did, you are a coward.

Now, I’m not going to beat around the bush. I think saying something about someone behind their back is one of the worst things you could do. Middle schoolers do that, and even that is appalling. But I bear witness to this type of crap in college. COLLEGE. Fully-grown adults acting like children. People in college have reached an age where problems they may have with someone else should be said face to face, and that’s it. If you do not like someone else, that is between you and that person. So I have taken it upon myself to only say bad things about other people if they themselves say bad things about anyone else. And most of the time, that only involves me saying something along the lines of “Hey, this person is saying this about you.” But you know what? Even that shit is wrong. I shouldn’t be doing that, because I become the problem. So to everyone reading this: stop saying bad things about people behind their backs. And don’t pretend that you don’t. Every single person I know, every single one, has done this. So don’t play stupid, and don’t be evil.