The idea of a soulmate is getting talked about less and less these days. As a society in general, we’re letting go of the idea that everyone has a someone who’s perfect for you in every single way. This person can “fix” your issues, and you can “fix” theirs. You complement each other perfectly and your life automatically becomes easier when you find them. This worldly view of a soulmate is luckily now widely disregarded as a load of bull.

However, there are still many Christians, and Catholics in particular, who have a more religious view of a soulmate, which is also a load of bull, and here’s my opinion on why I think it’s crap.

The Catholic idea of a soulmate is essentially this: based off the logic that God has created us all uniquely and individually and planned out our lives, that must mean that there is a “soulmate,” or an ideal match, for every person who is called to a marriage vocation. This person isn’t going to make your life easier, but marrying this person is the best possible option for your life because that’s who God picked for you. That sounds great and all, but there are a couple of things that make the idea of a soulmate, even within a Catholic context, a little ridiculous.

The first counter-point is the fact that everyone not only has free will, but is born into different countries, socio-economic classes, and abilities. The combination of environments that a single person can grow up in has no end. So not only do we have complete free-will to make our own choices, but we could end up in environments that keep us from permanently meeting these alleged “soulmates.”

I’ve heard stories from other Catholics about how they met their “soulmate” by talking to God, and without His consultation, they never would have found their soulmate. But it’s not as simple as talking to God. Even people who talk to God will still wind up making choices that God didn’t decide as the ideal path for them, and while we’re on the topic, a “most ideal path” does not mean that the person you’re set out to marry is your “soulmate.” That would be like saying that the career that God decided is best for me is a “soul job.”

That sounds ridiculous.

If it sounds ridiculous when talking about a person’s relationship with their career, imagine how ridiculous that sounds when it comes to two fully autonomous human beings with different desires, personalities, and interests.

There’s also the fact that love is not a feeling, it’s a choice. The concept of a soulmate inherently implies that your life is going to be somehow easier than everyone else’s because it won’t be hard to love each other. After all, you’re with the person that God wants you to be with, right? But love is not just a feeling. Feelings are part of it, but by and large, love is a conscious decision to stay with someone, even when they do something horrible and unlovable. By being horrible and unlovable, people can single-handedly ruin any relationship they have with their “soulmate,” because what if their “soulmate” doesn’t feel like choosing a bad person every day?

Love is hard.

It doesn’t become easier or better than anyone else’s love by miraculously finding the person that God wants you to be with.

Now, I love my fiancé. I do. I wouldn’t be marrying him if I didn’t. But if soulmates were, in fact, real, we would not be soulmates. We have both come to the conclusion that we are getting married because we both care about each other, our personalities mesh well, our beliefs are similar, and because we consistently choose to be together.

He picks me and continues to pick me when I’m being a bitch.

He calls me out and helps me be a better person because he loves me, not because God is playing matchmaker and decided that he’s “the one.”

I pick him and continue to pick him when he’s being stubborn.

I call him out and help him be a better person because I love him, not because God is whispering in my ear that he’s my “soulmate.”

When you die, God isn’t going to be upset with you for not letting Him play matchmaker. Every Catholic couple will tell you that they found their soulmate because they consulted God, but at the end of the day, the odds of actually finding your “soulmate” are next to impossible, if they even exist. Catholic couples don’t stay together because God said so. They stay together because they understand that marriage is hard work and they consistently choose each other. They stay together because they choose to love each other, and love is a choice, not something predetermined.