Do you ever find yourself being teased for your massive protruding chin? Does food ever get caught on your lower lip, and thus the entire lower half of your face? Do you have a hard time playing simple games like "Smack the Chin", "Press Your Nose Up Against the Wall Without Hitting Your Chin", or "Chins Up Seven Up"? Have your parents engaged in numerous generations of royal inbreeding in order to consolidate wealth and power? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might just have a case of the Habsburg Jaw.
Now, what is this Habsburg Jaw, you ask? Well, the House of Habsburg was one of the longest standing and significant royal families in the history of Europe. It birthed rulers for Dutch, Italian, Bohemian, English, Portuguese, German, Hungarian, Croatian, Irish, Spanish, and Austrian lands.
The house was founded in the 11th century, occupied the throne of the Holy Roman Empire for over three hundred years, and then went extinct in the 18th century. But as they say, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Yes, smile with that awfully deformed jaw of yours.
However, a dynasty like that doesn't come easily. It takes sacrifice, courage, ferocity, and of course, a massive chin. During the time of the Holy Roman Empire, monarchies competed directly with the Catholic Church for territory and clout. As a means of fortifying their position of power, and keeping influence away from the Church, the House of Habsburg was rife with incest.
Cousins married cousins, siblings married siblings, thus barring a diversity of rulers, and genetic data. And of course, this practice has consequences. Habsburg often had mental illness and weak constitutions, but most notably, a colossal chin.
Royalty often saw themselves as being 'pure-bred', as having created superior children by marrying one snot-chinned brat to the next. Oh, how wrong they were. But lucky for us, monarchies always had enough money and vanity to commission royal portraits, so without further ado: the jaw.
Charles II of Spain
Bust of Charles II of Spain
Margaret Theresa of Spain
Philip IV of Spain
Margaret of Austria
Leopold I, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles V of Spain, Holy Roman Emperor
