Hi! My name’s Hannah Marcella Kabelitz. I am a newcomer to the Odyssey but I’ve been in the business of making people laugh (uncomfortably) for about 18 years now and I’ve heard nothing but mixed reviews. Anyway, I’m going to start here with a story that tells a lot about who I am. I was 16 when I decided I wanted a tattoo. Not just any tattoo, but one that meant a lot to me. It’s this simple phrase: “carry on.” This was something I had heard on and off in my life. “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Kansas, the song my Dad played when Mom wasn’t in the car. “We’ll Carry On," from "Welcome To The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance, a throwback to my punk days in junior high when I condemned society and swore to "defy the system." Finally, of course, “Carry On” by Fun. I wouldn’t say these three songs define me, but I definitely want them playing at my funeral. First My Chemical Romance, then Fun, then Kansas. Don’t forget that, that’s important. And don’t make that face at your screen— you have totally thought about your own funeral. Don’t deny it. Maybe you think about your wedding songs more, but I’m all about the long game, folks.

I didn’t tie all of these songs together by chance. As I was leaving an appointment with my psychiatrist, Dr. Segal, a tall, lanky man who didn’t let his receding hairline age him, he told me, “Hannah, carry on. See you in four weeks.” It was in the car ride home when it clicked. I decided that that’s something to live by. Carry on, right? That could be my new motto. It fits all the characteristics of a motto. It’s short and sweet, applies to a broad range of things and it’s original. No disrespect to Hakuna Matata. That is the OG of mottos. I don’t care if it’s been out for 22 years, it’s still relevant. The way I see it, throughout life, you always have two options— to stop, or to keep moving forward (unless there’s an option I don’t know about, which is to go back. If that exists, let me know. I need to take back that dumb joke I said to the guy in my physics class a couple days ago). Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to stop every once in awhile. Sometimes you just need some time. But just because you stopped, doesn’t mean the world did. So take whatever time you need, but don’t forget that the longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be to come back.

Now’s the part where I get off my soapbox and make some awkward small talk. The weather’s been very hot and cold, hasn’t it? It reminds me of Katy Perry. Ba dum tss. That’s my time, folks.