I keep picturing the moment: my hands shaking as blood dripped from the small gash in my forehead. I saw smoke. I saw glass. I saw nothing. I got out of the car and reached out to the person who I rear ended, she said she was okay. Someone stopped by and called 911. I huddled in my car, shaking as the police officer asked me question after question. I could not hear what he was saying, all I could think about was how I just slipped past something that could have been a million times worse, and I am alive.

“What happened?” That is the question I have heard repeatedly over the last couple weeks. No one qualifies “I don’t know,” as a legitimate answer, so I relive the instance over and over again. I see the crash over and over again. I see 23 years flash over and over again.

I was lucky, and I am still lucky. I walked away with barely a scratch. Not everyone in my circumstance could say that. Not everyone in a car accident can say that he or she is alive.

I am meant to be here, on this earth. I am meant to be alive. I am meant to touch souls. I am meant to change the world.

I truly believe that God has a plan for me, and this is a part of that plan. Maybe you believe in the same, or maybe you just believe that the universe is interconnected and this was a part of my journey. But I have not lived through the challenges I have and faced the fears that I have without that belief. My purpose is greater than me, greater than you, and greater than this world.

There is absolutely nothing small about that purpose.

In a strange way, I owe a huge thank you to the car accident. I have been so caught up in work stress, so caught up in financial stress, so caught up in family stress, and so caught up in myself that I forgot about all of the amazing aspects of my life. I forgot about what positive aspects of my life still exist. I forgot about what opportunities lie ahead.

My eyes have been opened since the accident. Lately, I have been the individual that continually complains about her situation without creating any change to solve the problem. I have been my own problem. I have not been the leader I know I can be at work. I have not been the resourceful individual I know I can be with the money I have. I have not been the sister, daughter, niece, or cousin that I know I can be. I have not been the person I know I can.

Although admitting that I was my own problem was difficult, knowing that fact is my first step to the solution. Often we focus on the uncontrollable aspects in life, but one aspect we can always control is ourselves. Our perspectives. Our reactions. Our beliefs. Our determination. Our strength. Our courage. Our choices. Our will. Our fight. Our attitudes.

The simplest reaction to have is, “This sucks, this isn’t my fault, this is how I am stuck.” But no, this situation does not suck. You are alive. A car is replaceable, but you are not. No, the accident may not have been your fault, but your bad attitude is. Stop blaming every other little bump in the road. Scooch over that hurdle and keep moving, you are what is holding yourself back. No, you are not stuck. No one is every stuck. Plans fail. (I know it best!) But if planning does not work, be reactive. Think on your toes. Just. Keep. Moving.

I struggled so hard over the last couple weeks to get myself to believe those previous words. I have been holding myself back. I am not the person who depends on someone else to solve my problems, but I know I can move forward successfully even if I try and fail.

Everyone says, when life gives you lemons, to make lemonade. But you know what, I think if life gives you lemons, you do whatever the hell you want. Put a slice in water. Make lemon bars. Grind the rind for some extra zest. But do not confine yourself to lemonade. If you are not satisfied with lemonade, go after what you want. Your life is yours, just take it.

I repeat that I am so thankful that this car accident came into my life when it did. The incident has slapped me in the face, opened my eyes, and reminded me of the person I want to be. The person I will be.

I am taking each day by day, but believe me, God is utilizing me to make a difference. If a fender bender is all it takes to start that change, then all of this struggle is worth it. It always is.