Captain Morgan Wants You To Run For President (And I Do Too)

Captain Morgan Wants You To Run For President (And I Do Too)

Millennial musings on the increasingly dark and drastic political landscape.

You read that right.

Captain Morgan, the rum brand, wants to amend the Constitution and change the age at which you can run for president to be lower. Their argument is that there are a lot of ‘millennials’ who are changing the world in other ways that could change the world through politics.

This movement has not been enthusiastically supported by really anyone, and before the 2016 election cycle, this would have been laughable and probably a joke to boost sales. But now, we have a former reality television star that might actually be president, so why not let a 30-year-old run for president?

If you don’t know, the stipulation that someone running for president has to be 35 years or older comes from Article II, Section 1, Clause 5 in the Constitution:

No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.”

As the Constitution tends to be, it is filled with language that is almost intentionally ambiguous. Does the person need to be a natural-born citizen or a citizen of the United States? How are they different? Here, they appear to be rather interchangeable. Does that mean Arnold Schwarzenegger could run for president? What about Justin Bieber?

The Constitution never specifies what a ‘natural born citizen’ is, and that been rigorously debated in the courts recently, especially recently with former candidate Ted Cruz running, who was technically born in Canada to a Cuban father and American mother. Is he an American citizen because his parent(s) were?

Now, there are a lot of people who hold up the Constitution as if it was ripped out of the Bible or something equally holy, and this comes up any time there’s a question with either of the first two Amendments. But it’s just a document, like anything else the government passes, and it has been and will continue to be amended as time goes on. (To be fair, though, I do like freedom of press; let’s keep that one around.)

Am I saying that Captain Morgan has a legitimate and good point? Goodness no. This kind of millennial-centric thinking isn’t going to go over well with literally anyone else outside of that group and will never get passed or considered, even if it does get the required 10,000 signatures.

I do think the idea isn’t in the wrong direction though. If Donald Trump is elected president, he will be the oldest president ever elected, older than Ronald Reagan, at 70, and if Hillary Clinton is elected, she will be the second oldest president ever elected, at 69. (Ronald Reagan was 69 and 11 months when elected). Some people were worried about John McCain being too old to be in office, and he was 71 when he ran against Barack Obama in 2008.

With age comes experience, I understand and respect that, but there’s something to be said about getting some fresh blood in the mix. I’m not saying that fresh blood needs to be Justin Bieber, and I’m also not saying we need a bachelor president at 25 (can you imagine the media hysteria that would cause?). Fresh blood doesn't equate to inexperience, it means new people with new ideas.

I’m 22 years old. I don’t have a lot of experience watching politics outside of the last maybe eight years. I do know that something has gone terribly wrong to have a government that doesn’t act on behalf of the people and doesn’t pass legislation, a government that goes on recesses or shuts down because they can’t pass the budget.

I’ve watched people accuse our president of not doing anything and at the same time ridiculing him for trying to do something. I’ve watched black people, gay people, transgender people, honest police officers, refugees and children slain and nothing happen. No policy change or coherent debate had. I remember someone saying the moment they let children (read: babies) die and did nothing, that was when they cared more about their wallets than their people. I wanted to not believe them but repeated reinforcement has shown me this is true.

I don’t know if its cynicism or desensitization, but I already have lost a lot of faith and hope in this government and this country. I don’t like the political system anymore, and I’m sure I will get chuckles and head shakes and ‘how naives’ because of this opinion because, as I said, I’m 22. What do I know? What should I care? I’m a millennial; I should go back to my selfie stick and my SnapChat and my "Pokémon Go" and let the real adults handle politics. Right, because condescension has worked so well in the past.

I don’t know what I want to say here. This article started out as a little anecdote about a rum company trying to drum up publicity, but here we are, in the dark reality that our country is on the fringes of what we all hold so dear. The worst part is that we can’t even be mad at ourselves. We chose this, we asked for it. Maybe I'm just tired of all the runaround.

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College As Told By Junie B. Jones

A tribute to the beloved author Barbara Parks.

The Junie B. Jones series was a big part of my childhood. They were the first chapter books I ever read. On car trips, my mother would entertain my sister and me by purchasing a new Junie B. Jones book and reading it to us. My favorite part about the books then, and still, are how funny they are. Junie B. takes things very literally, and her (mis)adventures are hilarious. A lot of children's authors tend to write for children and parents in their books to keep the attention of both parties. Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, did just that. This is why many things Junie B. said in Kindergarten could be applied to her experiences in college, as shown here.

When Junie B. introduces herself hundreds of times during orientation week:

“My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 1)

When she goes to her first college career fair:

"Yeah, only guess what? I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won't know what the heck we're talking about." (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 2)

When she thinks people in class are gossiping about her:

“They whispered to each other for a real long time. Also, they kept looking at me. And they wouldn't even stop." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When someone asks her about the library:

“It's where the books are. And guess what? Books are my very favorite things in the whole world!" (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 27)

When she doesn't know what she's eating at the caf:

“I peeked inside the bread. I stared and stared for a real long time. 'Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why. Finally, I ate it anyway. It was tasty...whatever it was." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When she gets bored during class:

“I drew a sausage patty on my arm. Only that wasn't even an assignment." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 18)

When she considers dropping out:

“Maybe someday I will just be the Boss of Cookies instead!" (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 76)

When her friends invite her to the lake for Labor Day:

“GOOD NEWS! I CAN COME TO THE LAKE WITH YOU, I BELIEVE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 17)

When her professor never enters grades on time:

“I rolled my eyes way up to the sky." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 38)

When her friends won't stop poking her on Facebook:

“Do not poke me one more time, and I mean it." (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 7)

When she finds out she got a bad test grade:

“Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 17)

When she isn't allowed to have a pet on campus but really wants one:


When she has to walk across campus in the dark:

“There's no such thing as monsters. There's no such thing as monsters." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 12)

When her boyfriend breaks her heart:

“I am a bachelorette. A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn't actually expecting that terrible trouble." (Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl, p. 1)

When she paints her first canvas:

"And painting is the funnest thing I love!" (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 61)

When her sorority takes stacked pictures:

“The biggie kids stand in the back. And the shortie kids stand in the front. I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 7)

When she's had enough of the caf's food:

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don't you think?" (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed p. 34)

When she forgets about an exam:

“Speechless is when your mouth can't speech." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 54)

When she finds out she has enough credits to graduate:

“A DIPLOMA! A DIPLOMA! I WILL LOVE A DIPLOMA!" (Junie B. Jones is a Graduation Girl p. 6)

When she gets home from college:

"IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I'M HOME FROM MY SCHOOL!" (Junie B. Jones and some Sneaky Peaky Spying p. 20)

Cover Image Credit: OrderOfBooks

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