By now, many of you are likely sick and tired of hearing about racism and the fight to end it. Believe me, I feel you. As someone who has been the target of and witness to plenty of racism, I'm over racism too. However, until racism and the people who uphold it either change or simply go away, we're all going to suffer together trying to correct it.
Before you get too up in arms about the title and general message of this post, hear me out. When discussing racism, there are two main kinds of racists we deal with: those who will use racial slurs in the face of those they hate and those who use racist language and discuss their prejudices behind closed doors but are kind and friendly to the faces of PoC.
While the overt racists are a big problem in this country, closet racists are just as problematic. Being in an interracial relationship has given me more insight on just how hypocritical closet racists can be. I have known people to be perfectly pleasant to my face just to be disappointed later when my boyfriend tells me of some awful thing people have said when I'm not in the room or before they knew he and I were an item. From people making racist and stereotypical jokes to the people who say things like "I don't mind black people, I just hate ni*gers," it can be disheartening to know people think like this but it is helpful to have some insight on what people truly think.
When someone only speaks their racism behind closed doors or in the company of other white people, one thing is made clear: they know what they're doing is wrong. However, the fact that they still feel comfortable thinking and saying horrible things behind closed doors means that they have yet to challenge their own prejudices and that is a problem.
This is where white allies really need to spring into action. See, some closet racists honestly don't even think of themselves as racist. They say racial slurs and mock stereotypes behind closed doors but many think that because they don't own KKK robes or say these awful things to actual people of color that they're somehow not racist. It is up to white allies to call these people out.
Believe me, I know that can be uncomfortable, difficult and put relationships in jeopardy. But as a white person, you have an advantage in this matter. First of all, you have the ability to hear these hushed conversations in the first place. Your proximity to these conversations is something that us POC don't have. Plus, if someone has a negative view of black people, do you really think they're going to want to hear us out if we call out their behavior?
Additionally, with you rapport with your friends and family, they are more likely to hear you out when you call out their behavior. That means having the tough talks with your friends and family. It means correcting your grandma when she uses outdated terms to identify people. It means calling out your friend when he uses the N word in casual conversation to describe black people. It means questionin your cousin when they say hateful things about immigrants. Many times, these people don't even see their behavior as racist until someone calls them and their thoughts into question.
At the end of the day, racism is a complicated issue that runs deep in our country. We need all the help we can get in ending the hateful thoughts, speech, and actions in this country. That starts with people calling out those close to them, no matter how tough that may be.
