Ah, back to school time. Going back to school brings me a bunch of mixed emotions, I always get excited to start a new school year, because honestly, I like to learn. Of course, by the end of the school year I definitely feel another way, but as for the fall semester, I feel invincible. Another feeling that occurs before the beginning of the school year is being super anxious while figuring out student loans, FAFSA, and tuition rates.
I've always had to take out student loans to cover my university tuition #noshame, but somehow, even after all this time (my four years in college) I still get so anxious while having to do it all. I think I feel this way because I know, God Forbid, if I don't do it right I can't go back to school. One of the biggest anxiety triggers for me is calling the Financial Aid Office. It all starts out by checking your student email and seeing a notification from the Financial Aid Office.
1. Reading the Financial Aid email & panicking
The only thing I'm ever thinking is, "Oh God what do I owe now?" Or, "what did I do wrong!?"
2. "What the heck does that mean? Should I just call the office?"
As if there's anything worse than actually having to CALL THEM and HEAR THEIR VOICE. You never know what bad news they're going to drop on you...
3. "If I have to listen to this automated message any longer..."
Now, as you're calling the Financial Aid Office, you're usually placed on hold, because Lord knows there are at least ten other students at this exact same time who are just as confused and scared as you are. While being placed on hold, you could probably recite the automated message since you've listened to it for so long.
4. The RUSH of adrenaline as someone answers
"Thank you for calling ___ Financial Aid this is __, how may I help you?" NOW as much as you didn't want to be on hold any longer, you question if this is almost worse? you respond with something like, "uhh hi, so i have a question about my student account" and they probably roll their eyes thinking, of course you do. That's why you called us.
5. The stress of figuring out what's actually going on
Trying to sound smart while they're talking and understand what they're saying, all while asking a million questions
6. A mini sigh of relief
Turns out, everything isn't as catastrophic as you may think. For right now anyway. I always worry the first week of school that something didn't go through and I'm not going to be on anyone's attendance sheets or something. Oops. Stress game = high.
7. Coming to the conclusion that college is expensive
"Haha what did I get myself into?" is a common thought that radiates throughout my brain from time to time
8. Second guessing your entire life
"Did I really take out/spend this much money for a piece of paper?"
9. A huge, much needed sigh of relief
As you get back to school you're able to go to classes. Therefore realizing that you're smarter than you thought, and you successfully figured everything out.
10. Secretly worrying about all the student debt you'll be in forever
No going back now I guess.
At the beginning of every single academic school year, I always freak out about my financial aid situation. So much to where I actually lose sleep over it and usually have a few panic attacks every now and then. Yes, this is my biggest anxiety trigger, but it's also me caring about my future and worrying about my bigger problems in life. I have high goals for myself and the thought of not being able to go back to school kills me inside. I'm very grateful that I'm on track to graduate in four years, and on track to walk the graduation stage this upcoming May. Sometimes I do worry about the amount of money I took out for loans, but I know at the end of it all, my degree will be worth it.
