Have you ever watched some of the notable early 2000/2010s gay films? I'm not talking about "Brokeback Mountain" or "I Love You Phillip Morris" because those don't count. What about "Fourth Man Out"? "Prayers for Bobby"? "Boy Culture"? Or any of the Eating Out series?

Have you seen "Call Me By Your Name"?

Before we start praising the progressive changes in Hollywood because a consensual intergenerational relationship between to masculine, cis, white, gay, men in the 1980's was nominated for 30+ awards in its first three months. I'm not here entirely to bash the critically acclaimed film--I mean believe me I was so visibly shocked at how much gay was allowed to be so visibly shown in comparison to other hetero-norms. I am just highly skeptical of the real work towards a better future this film provided us as a community.

And here's why, it is not relevant to anyone besides straight audiences and cis, white, wealthy gay people. The same way that "Brokeback Mountain" or Jim Carrey's gross "I Love You Phillip Morris" used straight actors to portray something that they have never experienced effectively writing the gay experience for us from a perspective that isn't even close to ours. "Call Me By Your Name" presented this highly fantastical romance in a way that was a little too "down to earth."

And I promise I'm not just saying this because I'm a bitter queen, who wasn't able to actually live like a 16/17/18-year-old because I was too busy worrying about whether or not people were going to stare at me should I go out to dinner in public or see a movie with a partner.

I had my fair share of Summer Flings, but now every other Tammy(TM) who just saw the new movie is going to ask if my teen years were just like that movie and I'm gonna have to be a major let down and say, "No Tammy(TM), my summer fling happened in Battle Creek, MI, I could never invite the person over to my house, and I had to sneak out the house after everyone went to sleep at like 1 AM if I wanted to see any one of them."

I'm here for the gay sex in the public sphere. Mostly because my parents watch a lot of movies and I can imagine "Call Me By Your Name" popping up on Netflix or Amazon Prime and my mom only reading half of the description and then putting it on and accidentally loving it. (Well maybe that's an exaggeration but if I asked her to watch it she might.)

All I'm saying is don't be like Tammy(TM). Everyone knows basically from birth that straight relationships can be both good and bad because as you're reading those novels and wishing for your dream man to walk into your life, you're watching your parents marriage, your friend's relationships, you're learning and growing in understanding of those relationships from each other. When you're gay, you don't get that all the time. So when your only frame of reference is this hyper-fantastical imaginary 1980s pipe dream, it just creates a bad situation. Especially for straight folks who are entirely removed from what it is like to be queer.

Enjoy the movie, support the director, give these queer filmmakers/actors/crew members the money and success they deserve because they created a work of art for a community that doesn't have a LOT of healthy representation. But it could've been a better film, and I'm disappointed because it seemed so close to the mark.