I’ve always wondered how they did it. How did my abuela come penniless to the mainland from Puerto Rico as a teenager with a baby boy and yet somehow manage to put food on the table and raise four children? How did my mother who never went to college, somehow defy all the odds against her and found a way to earn a six-figure salary and make history while doing it? And it amazes me still how my aunt not only became the first person to graduate from college in my entire family but raised the bar for all of us when she went on to earn a Ph.D. from the University of California at Berkeley in Ethnic Studies. I remember her telling me that when she was in high school, many teachers and counselors would encourage her to attend secretary school or look at community colleges because a four-year university would be too much of a challenge for “girls like her.” Fifteen years later, she is now a professor at Michigan State University and gets paid to travel the world to teach people how to be more open-minded, unlike her former teachers and counselors.

I’m fortunate and beyond blessed to have been raised by these three women. While in my childhood, I had iconic athletes as role models including Allen Iverson and Michael Vick, I realize now that the people who inspired me were the women that I lived with and saw on a daily basis. I just didn’t know it at the time.

As a young man growing up in a Latina household, I was forced to learn basic household duties, which at the time, was incredibly annoying and unpleasant. Chores included cleaning the bathtub, scrubbing the toilet, mopping the floor, washing clothes, and of course washing the dishes. My mom taught me to do all these things when I was around ten years old and I hated it so much at first. I always asked her, “Ma, why do I need to do all of this? I don’t even have a house yet!” She would always tell me, “You’ll appreciate me when you’re older, now go wash the dishes.” Fast-forward ten years and the difference between my college dorm room and other men’s dorm rooms is astonishing. People often joke that I have OCD, which is pretty funny but not true. It’s just after years of constantly performing these small house duties, having a neat, clean and orderly living space is second nature to me. I don’t even have to think about it, I just know better than to leave my place looking crazy. I definitely know who’s responsible for me holding cleanliness as a top priority in life.

When I think about these experiences I am amazed that Latinas don’t get the credit they deserve. If you think about the odds that are stacked against them upon birth, it’s pretty unfair, to say the least. Strike one: they are women in a patriarchal country. Strike two, they are brown women in a white supremacist society, so it doesn’t matter how well they straighten their hair or how light their skin is because they are not white they have the odds stacked against them. (You could also include a strike three about being immigrant/Spanish speakers in an anti-immigrant political climate). This means you have to be excellent in everything that you do in life because, after strike three, you’re out. This why I’m so impressed when I see Latinas who own their own businesses, teach at major universities, become police officers and firefighters, lawyers, nurses, and doctors. It’s a beautiful sight to see when Latinas surpassed the bar set for them. It seems like they don’t even realize it because it’s in their nature to keep pushing and keep moving forward. The icing on the cake is that they could care less about recognition and praise. They honestly do it for themselves and their families.

Never once did my grandmother ask for a mother of the year award or even a Mother’s Day gift. She has sacrificed so much and has our undying love. Not once did my mom demand recognition and say to someone “I’m the first female Captain Firefighter in Hudson County, respect me.” She earned her respect through her work ethic and leadership. And although she has actually received many awards for her research, my aunt never asked or expected it. It was earned, as it should be. She’s never really returned to her old high school since graduation. I guarantee in 10 more years when she’s the president of a university, she’ll be getting a phone call to accept an award from the same people who didn’t believe in her vision.

The common ground where most Latinas can relate, at least the ones that I know, is that most of them come from nothing—not having materialistic things, with a single parent, or struggling to make ends meet. These women grew up in areas of poverty, riddled with drugs and violence, where the public-school system uses old raggedy textbooks with biased information in it that teach us that Christopher Columbus discovered America. I believe that this is where the Latinas that I know gain their strength and independence. Having to overcome all these obstacles as a woman of color in our society truly turns you into an outstanding individual.

Most people don’t often reflect on this too much unless it’s Mother’s Day, but this topic came to mind because their hard work goes on full-blown display around the holidays. The women in my family go above and beyond for everyone else in their lives but themselves. Whether it's working, shopping, cooking, teaching, or literally saving lives, they’re always giving us everything that they can. The most important things that our brown queens give us are the things that we cannot see or touch: love, compassion, discipline, confidence and wisdom. All the lessons they have taught me are far more important than any gift I’ve ever received. I don’t even remember what I got for Christmas last year, but I surely do remember who taught me how to love with sacrifice, to work hard even when no one is watching, and to think critically about the world around me.