“Oh my gosh, you guys have such a bromance!”
Except for “staycation”, few portmanteaus are quite as obnoxious as “bromance”. The concept of a bromance is simple and has been explored by many a buddy comedy. In a bromance, two heterosexual men (“bros”) have such a strong friendship that it could be seen by an outside party as quasi-romantic. If I could relegate this to an asinine middle-school mentality, I would cheerfully do so. However, the concept of the bromance is a bit more ingrained than that. On television, we are constantly bombarded with this concept. As odd and harmless as it might seem, it speaks to a rather dark concept: society does not know how to process platonic male relationships because it does not know how to process men showing emotions, especially of an affectionate nature.
This is perhaps the one area of society where women aren't helmed in by ridiculous standards. Women who are friends with women have very relaxed, comfortable relationships. Hugs are freely exchanged, compliments easily flow, and deep issues are discussed with little discomfort. Now look at two men who are friends, especially two somewhat immature men. Chances are, the words "no homo" has crossed their lips at least once. Not only is this a slight against the LGBTQA+ community, equating homosexuality with something unsavory, but it shows the discomfort men feel expressing platonic feelings for each other. We have raised our men to where they cannot hug without turning it into a strange dance routine involving jutted out hips and borderline painful back slaps. And men saying "I love you" to friends? Out of the question unless copious amounts of alcohol are involved. We ridicule each other mercilessly if we ever show any sort of positive emotions. The end result is dialogue full of rather vicious put-downs, because "that's how guys are".
It doesn't have to be like this.
If we raised our men to know that it's okay to show platonic affection - to say "I love you", to hug each other, to show weakness- perhaps our communities would improve. No more telling our kids to "man up" or to "stop being a girl" when they cry, simultaneously telling our girls to be ashamed that they are girls and telling our boys to be stone-faced stoics, ready to pop at a moment's notice. That's the big problem with this toxic masculinity: it hurts everyone, not just men. We equate manhood with strength, meaning that womanhood is equated with weakness. This is not okay.
We must see the bromance for what it is: an outdated, foolish, toxic construct. The next time someone tells me that I have a lovely bromance, I will respond: "No, I have a solid friendship".
