So you broke up. While it’s a process everyone has been through at least once (or twice...or maybe three times), it doesn’t make it suck any less. And usually, no matter how many times we’ve had our heart broken, we’re always trying to make the process easier. Maybe it’s by making sure that we’re the dumper and not the dumpee, or maybe it’s by stockpiling all the breakup advice we can find.
No matter your situation, chances are that if you’re reading this article, you need a little help. We got you, boo. Our (begrudgingly) self-proclaimed breakup experts, Arica and Molly, are here to help you get over this breakup and get back on your feet again. (Are we actually experts? Of course not, unless you consider our certification by the School of Life, and the fact that Arica has a Pinterest board on the subject- Molly’s is hidden from public view. Still, we’re here to help.)
1. So, you just broke up. What’s the first thing you do?
Molly: Block his butt… no, actually, I run to my parents for a hug. Really, run to anyone you love for a hug. Except for your ex. That would be awkward.
Arica: If you’re able and alone, I highly suggest crying. Just get all of that out and deal with the first wave of emotions. There’s bound to be some embarrassment, anger, a bit of relief and a lot of grief. Just let it all out.
2. What’s your go-to break-up music?
A: It really all depends on what band/singer is my current obsession. Right now, Dua Lipa’s “New Rules” is on heavy rotation. And then there’s some Kesha, some Selena Gomez, and of course, T-Swift.
M: T-SWIZZLE! And other Girl Power singers/bands like the ones Arica mentioned.
3. What do you miss the most?
A: Having someone to talk to at any given moment, about any given thing. It’s good to have a partner who’s your friend, but there’s also a reason why you shouldn’t make them your best friend. It hurts more to lose them, and also, you leave yourself without someone to talk to about the pain you’re going through. There’s a reason why everyone who breaks up (especially me) struggles with not talking to their ex so much.
M: The snuggles for sure.
4. Best Break-Up Food?
A: For the first few days, just any comfort food. For me, when I started properly grieving, it was mashed potatoes and ice cream. And some booze. We’ll leave it at that. Anything that reminds you of your home is especially good after a breakup, but also, keep everything in moderation. Just because you feel full of emotions and crap doesn’t mean you should fill yourself with crap.
M: Your normal food! But with small bits of junk mixed in, because chocolate does help to heal a broken heart. As does chicken noodle soup. Don't necessarily eat junk food just because it's usually part of the grieving process. For one thing, no matter how comforting it is, if you have too much, you're just going to be miserable AND have a stomach ache.
5. What is your go-to Breakup drink?
A: Wine coolers--especially screwdriver (orange juice and vodka) inspired ones. True story.
M: First of all- getting drunk while going through a breakup is one of the most dangerous things to do! Second of all- Beer. It’s what’s for dinner.
6. So it’s been a few days, you’ve wallowed, you’ve recovered (enough). What’s the next step?
M: Going out to do something! It doesn’t have to be the stereotypical drunken night out with the girls. It could be going out to the coffee shop because you deserve that PSL. Just get dressed and go out. And remember to wear deodorant.
A: Dress up and change one little thing about yourself! It can be a different lipstick color or a funky pair of earrings. Something to say that the old you can’t come to the phone because they’re dead. Something to say that you’re starting fresh.
7. What’s the worst break-up advice you’ve ever received?
M: The idea that we need to completely change our looks. Don't do anything drastic to change your look, no matter what everyone says. You might regret the pixie cut or bright unicorn hair or the huge sleeve tattoo. Instead, change the color of your lipstick, find a new perfume, and clean up your look to freshen it rather than changing it.
A: To make the process messy. Would it be satisfying to have that uber public, screaming cathartic kind of breakup? Of course, but there’s a reason that’s best left to the TV/movie screen. No one wants to be remembered as the one who handled the break badly. Walk out of it with as much dignity as you can.
8. What’s the best advice?
M: Focus on yourself and make plans with friends, especially if you neglected them throughout your relationship.
A: Cutting off your ex from contacting you as much as possible. It’s one part self-preservation, and two parts making your life--and usually their life-- easier in the long run. If you’re one of those people who want to still be friends with your ex… even then, you should give it at least a month of no contact with them.
9. Is there a piece of SitCom or RomCom advice you’ve found useful?
A: I always turn to Jess from New Girl when it comes to break up advice. For one thing, she lets herself struggle and feel the pain. She’s not embarrassed about it. For another, she is all for enlisting help when she needs it, even if the people who are giving her the advice have no idea and just their best intentions to give in their advice. And also: drinking wine and listening to Taylor Swift alone is always a good way to cope.
M: Even though it started out for all the wrong reasons, Legally Blonde showed that working on making yourself a better person professionally makes all the difference. 1- You can feel better about yourself and not have the feeling of uselessness hovering over you and 2- Success can be the sweetest revenge! Oh, wait… that’s the wrong reason. But, hey, it works!
10. What advice would you give others in your situation?
A: Try to get it all out in whatever way that’s best. That may be therapy, talking with your friends, having a day to cry and just not be okay, or everything and anything. Recognize that you are grieving and that you need to process all of this shit.
M: Get plenty of sleep. You can’t process anything if you’re exhausted all the time.
11. How do you know when it’s time to try the whole dating scene again (if ever)?
M: Honestly, I have no clue! Maybe when you start thinking about other people in that special way again, or after you stop feeling a crushing loneliness. Everyone’s timing is different. Basically, you do you, boo.
A: I’ve seen a lot of people with different equations or whatever to use to determine when to jump on the dating scene. (Example: for every year that you spent in the relationship, be alone for half that time, so a three-year relationship equals one and a half years of being single.) Like Molly said though, it really all depends on you. There’s no fancy answer or equation to help you figure it out. Just your gut feeling. And maybe your best friend, but only after you ignore your gut feeling.
Now that you’ve received advice from two of the most unqualified women on the subject, go forth and heal! We sincerely hope we’ve helped at least one other person, no matter if they’re someone we’ve never met or if they’re our exes seeking closure by stalking our accounts, if it helps, we’re happy to have obliged.
