I was reading an article about a "The Mindy Project" episode when Mindy goes on a date with an Indian man, and she explains how she doesn't know much about her Indian culture as Mindy is mostly focused on more American ideals. Her date, who is super in tune with his Indian identity, criticizes her for being a "coconut" (brown on the outside, white on the inside). This article resonates with many Indians, but it especially hit me when I read it.
Honestly, the first reason that it hit my core identity is that I feel this concept where you can never win with society. I can honestly say that I watch too much American television, that I know the lyrics of every popular Alternative song on the radio right now, and that I say the words "can't even" and "oh my gosh" way too much in conversation that it's embarrassing. But does it mean that I'm trying to be something I'm not?
When I was a little girl, I only watched Bollywood television and listened to Bollywood music. But then I grew up. I grew up in a world where nobody understood my love of my Hindu culture, where I learned that the only way to fit in was to change to a more typical American girl. That's how you assimilate when you feel alone and that nobody understands who you are. Especially when the first dip into my culture other than my family's viewpoint was when this boy in my elementary school looked at me and asks me if I eat snakes because of my skin color, it becomes harder to keep the identity that you always had. You begin to question who you are, even before when you get all the facts. That kind of moment can change a person really quickly from what they could have been to what they are (which is not necessary bad).
So, the "coconut effect" is a way of surviving and feeling needed. Growing up, I never had tons of Indian friends, so I never knew how I was feeling was normal. Even today, I actually don't know how to explain my culture to others because I am struggling to figure which parts of each culture are me. I feared that people did not like me for being different, and I never made people feel that even though I had a different skin color, I could be treated any differently. So, nobody asked me about it, So, I never told people about me.
But honestly, in the past couple years, I have made friends who have learned to embrace who they are, and that has inspired me so much. No matter what culture you are from, fear should never be the thing that alienates you from the person that you are.
If you identify with a different culture than what skin color you were given, then you embrace who you are wholeheartedly. It doesn't matter what you look like in the inside. It matters who you are in the inside. And when the inside is the only thing that we get to choose about ourselves, we need to stop society for one second of making us fear that decision and decide for ourselves who we are and who we want to be. For me, it's not to be afraid of showing both sides of my culture to other people. What about you? What's the thing that making you scared to show society who you really are?
