When I was a kid, I was boy-crazy... I mean, even at 5 or 6 years old, all I wanted was a husband. They always broke my heart, and my best friend, Mommy, was there to make the pain go away. In fact, I have a scar on the left side of my forehead because in kindergarten, I ran into a metal pole. Oddly enough, I was running after a boy. This is my favorite mommy-daughter story of all.
His name was Conrad: Conrad Alan Turren, but all of the big boys called him Cat. Cat was a first grader and he was hands-down the cutest boy in the school. At age 6, Cat decided that he was ready to find a wife so he arranged a contest for all of the bachelorettes at Dundee Elementary to try to win him over. He picked 8 second graders, 4 first graders, and 1 kindergartener and that kindergartener was yours truly. The contest began the next day at recess where each bachelorrete would go through a variety of contests to win his heart. I came in that day ready to claim my man… I mean, who did these other b*tches think they were? Cat rightfully belonged to me.
So, on that fateful day in 2001, I easily surpassed the first 6 girls on the monkey bars and even was the fastest one down the slide. Now, it was between me and these two other first graders. The final challenge was to chase him around the playground and catch him. Cat’s friend Mika blew a whistle and I dashed onto the field. I quickly passed one girl as we ran after Cat into the jungle-gym area. He went under the slides and through the tether-ball courts and that’s when it hit me… literally. I slammed head-first into the swing-set pole and completely collapsed on the ground. I don’t remember anything after that, but I woke up at home in my bed. My mom said that Conrad sent me flowers and sat at my bed-side until I woke up, but I don’t think that’s true at all because he ignored me in school.
As you can presume, I lost the contest and my soul-mate, Conrad. I was devastated... mean, 5-year-old Sarah had just lost the love of her life... how was I supposed to go on after that? But my mom pulled me close and the rest of the day we watched Scooby-Doo for a few hours and each ate one bowl of ice cream until I had forgotten all about Cat.
And now, although it make take more than a few hours of Cartoon Network and surely more than a single bowl of Ben & Jerry's to mend this broken heart, my mom is still always there for me. I learned from a young age that boys are going to hurt you... literally. Not only that, but they're also probably not going to care when they do. Whether they are in first grade or their first semester of college, boys will be boys. But most of all, I know that my mom is my best friend and will take care of me when the boy I like doesn't.
I know that if, God forbid, I end up being on divorce number 5 or 6, she’ll take care of me the way she did circa 2001.
