It's cuffing season and people all around the world are finding their person to snuggle up with. But not me, not this year.
Because I have something 100,000,000 times better; a 7-month-old puppy named Tater Tot. I honestly don't know how a boyfriend will ever measure up to the impossibly high standards my dog has set. Good luck boys!
1) They always listen to you vent.
"Please tell me more about how much Becky SUCKS"- your dog.
2) They don't hurt your legs when they're sitting on your lap.
What would you prefer a 140-pound man sitting on your lap or an 18-pound dog? That's what I thought.
3) They're always happy to see you.
Even if you've only been gone for 5 minutes.
4) They never get uncomfortable when you cry in front of them.
Let those big, blubbery, red-faced, crying sessions ensue. No judgments or complaints here, just puppy kisses.
5) They like all of your friends.
They never complain about how Sarah talks too much or Jenny is too clingy. Your friends are their friends.
6) They never lie.
About anything. Ever.
7) They don't have impossible-to-please-mothers.
You know you'll never be good enough for her little boy, but your puppy's mom isn't even in the picture! Talk about easy in-laws.
8) They don't take up as much room in your bed.
Fighting over the blanket is a thing of the past.
9) They're waaaaaay better cuddlers.
No more of that big spoon-little spoon debate.
10) They're soft and warm for #cuffingseason.
I know that dad bods are in right now, but they're still not as comfy as cuddling up with your pup.
11) They don't care if you shave.
No double standards here, dogs don't shave so why would they care if you do???
12) They always keep your secrets.
BEST. SECRET. KEEPERS. EVER.
13) They don't mind if you keep telling the same stories over and over again.
They're great listeners, no matter how boring you are.
14) They're always down to Netflix and chill (the real chill).
Want to sit around all day in your pjs and watch Stranger Things? No qualms here.
15) They always let you pick the snacks.
Skinny pop and La Croix? Sounds good to your pup.
16) They love you unconditionally.
They just want to please you all the time!!!
17) They never judge you.
Having a mental break down? Ok. Dancing around in your PJs? Sounds good. Laughing at inappropriate times? That's my owner.
18) They never complain about having to take pictures with you.
Also, every picture with them is automatically 100 times cuter.
19) They don't mind when you're clingy.
They love the attention!
20) They never stay mad at you.
You know when you accidentally step on them? They forget it as soon as it happens. No grudges here.
21) You're each others' best friends.
No fretting over who's his best friend on Snapchat.
22) They're super loyal.
They've got your back.
23) They give endless kisses.
Sloppy kisses are actually welcome and encouraged.
24) All of your friends will approve of them.
They might be a little jealous, though.
25) They never make plans without you.
And they never get bored of hanging out with you.
26) They never argue with you.
Your way is the highway.
27) You never have to worry that they're going to break up with you.
You guys are together for life.
28) They will always protect you.
They're not going to let any of those evil squirrels or mailmen near you.
29) When you're gone, they literally just wait for you to get back.
I mean COME ON.
30) They think that everything you cook is amazing.
Cold spaghetti? Yummy yummy.
