We spent months getting to know each other. We shared late nights and long talks. We had so much in common; at times it felt like we were the same person. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that I wanted something real with you. I truly believe that we would have been good together. The adventures we went on, the nights you told me anything and everything that went through your mind; I lived for those times, and I believed that we would have much more time to keep doing those things. I could have helped you fight your demons, and we could have helped each other grow.

I was so caught up with everything I believed, that I forgot to stop and make sure you wanted those things too. People in my life have expressed over and over that they admire the way I do whatever it takes to go after what I want, and in this case, what I wanted just so happened to be you. In hindsight, I realize now how that could be overwhelming, but you can’t blame someone for understanding what they want and going for it. You can’t blame someone for wanting you when there are so many things you have to offer.

The problem wasn’t that you didn’t care about me. I believe that you cared to some extent. I was someone you enjoyed being around, and someone you could trust when you were gone. I was someone that you could confide in that wouldn’t pass any judgment. The only problem was that you didn’t care enough. You wanted to spend time with me, but you didn’t want to compromise any other aspect of your life to do so. You were willing to give me attention, but only if I begged you for it first.

In the end, I decided that wasn’t enough for me. I don’t want someone who doesn’t miss me when I’m gone. I don’t want someone who doesn’t act excited to see me after we go extended periods of time not seeing each other.

I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want to walk away, but I knew you were never going to love me the way I wanted you to. All I really wanted was for you to make it known to me that you wanted me too. I wanted you to ask me to stay. Lord knows I would have, had you simply told me you wanted me around. Instead, you just told me how you “understood” why I wanted to go.

It’s not that I didn’t care about you because everyone knows I did; I just care about myself more. I deserve better than what you could give me. I deserve someone who never lets me go to sleep believing they’ve lost interest.

So, I hope once you finally realize I deleted you on social media, that it wasn’t because I hate you. When you see me moving on, I hope you remember that I wanted you first. There are no hard feelings; I just needed to let myself be open to finding the person that is actually willing to love me the way I deserve.

I hope months from now when it finally sinks in just how much I cared and how far I would have gone for you, you realize that I was the one that got away.