We see boundaries everywhere. For example, our neighborhood crosswalks are a very simple form of a boundary. This is an example we do not even think about as being a boundary yet it still is. There are so many more much more complicated in this world.
People set boundaries within work relationships.
Then there are boundaries in some friendships. At least, friendships that are not too close. A good example is how we have friends we are not close to, but still consider friends.
Then when necessary, we put boundaries within family relationships. That might even mean immediate family relationships. This is emotionally the hardest thing to do. It was the hardest for me.
It involved one of the hardest, if not the hardest conversation I have had to have in my life.
When we start to put boundaries in relationships emotions get involved. Emotions make everything so much harder. Lines can easily get blurred in the matter of two words. Sometimes even less. When we set boundaries we have to be firm. Just because this is true does not make the process any easier. In fact, depending on the person and the emotions behind it makes it even harder.
It is because of the fact emotions are hard and they are not straightforward.
Boundaries have to be firm because if they are not firm most of the time the boundaries will not stick. I have learned this from personal experience. This wasn't the first set of boundaries I have ever set up.
They were the hardest I have ever had to make.
These choices do not come lightly. When people get to this point it is normally after tons of deliberation. For some people, people such as myself, it took years--a decade plus to be exact. Others it comes a lot sooner. Everyone is different but we all have a breaking point. When that breaking point comes there are a few options and I chose boundaries. This was the right choice for me but it might not be for everyone else. This is completely okay.
In this world we must do what we need to for our own health. Sometimes this means cutting people out of our lives. If this is what people need to do then I will not judge them for it. No one else should either.
If setting firm boundaries for relationships is what is needed then do it. Both of these choices mentally are hell to make. They are choices that are necessary to make.
It came with a lot of thought and anxiety. It also came with a lot of outside support. For those of you reading this I absolutely can not express how thankful I am for you. All of the patience, all of the advice, all the support, and love. Thank you. I love each and everyone of you dearly.
While I do not regret my choice it is still not easy. To be honest I probably will not be okay for a bit. I can accept that though because it was the right choice for my mental stability and that has to come first.
Does that make me selfish? No, because if I'm not okay mentally then I can not be helpful to my family. It is about way more than just me. This is why boundaries have to be a necessary evil at times and while it is hard, I have to believe that it will be worth it.
I have to believe it for the possibility that maybe one day things might get better for all of us out there.