Dear mid-pubescent Harleigh Bean, also known as Harli Beanzies,
I got some news for you girl; you’re not as smart as you think you are. To put it in terms you may better understand, "brick wall waterfall, girl you think you know it all. You don’t, I do, so boom with that attitude."
Attitude. Trust me that word still gets thrown at you left and right—it’s never going away. In the future, you’re going to embrace it but right now it’s time to refine it. I could go on a list dozens of reasons why you’ve cultivated this new attitude: puberty sucks, you’re now transitioning from the comfortable life of a tomboy to the new territory of what is socially acceptable for young girls, middle school honestly sucks, you get called an “oreo” at least once a day. But we both know it’s all a lie. A façade to shield yourself from the real problem; your world is falling apart beneath you and there is nothing you can do about it. Your parents are getting divorced.
I know what you’re thinking. You’ve created a quintessential line to spew when asked about your parents split, “it’s what’s best for the family.” But you don’t believe that. Yet.
I’m not going to lie to you but it really does suck. Here you are battling the woes of being in middle school and on top of all the AIM drama, the menstrual horrors, and algebra class, you’re forced to deal with the end of life, as you knew it. But it’s not your fault. Your relationship with mom (later shortened to Ma because we’re lazy) is going to be rocky for a while, but it’ll be stronger than ever in a few years. But sweet thing, you have to let that resentment for your Dad go sooner. It’ll eat you alive. Honestly, you’re going to struggle with it for a long, long time. You still do.
It’s true that you’ve always been a smartass. I cringe multiple times a day when reminded of some of the things you’ve snapped at others but at some point (*cough cough high school*) that attitude will lead you to those who will become your best friends. Some people will chalk it up to that stereotypical “black girl attitude,” but you know that’s just some b.s. Others will appreciate your honesty and fierce loyalty. Others won’t know what to think of you; that’s all right, you’re still trying to figure yourself out.
Interestingly enough while everything seems to be changing, one thing will remain the same: your attitude. Granted you’ll transition from being mean and vindictive to anal and brutally honest, but that attitude will always be there. Trust it. While you might stop braiding colors into your hair, wearing skaters’ shoes and you’ll soon be kissing braces goodbye, your attitude isn’t going anywhere. Embrace it.
Love,
Your older, slightly but not really wiser, self.
P.S. Ditch “Harli Beanzies” a.s.a.p. It’s just weird.
P.P.S. Stop sticking your tongue out in pictures. It’s tacky.
