Never have I ever... Seen an “Avengers" movie all the way through. Until last weekend. In all honesty, I've never even seen “Spider-man." Literally never. I've never been into the whole comic book thing, I don't care about action movies, and the only superheros I care about are Elasta-Girl and Fro-zone. With that being said, I have seen the last ten minutes of “Thor", and about 13 seconds of “Iron-Man." Yet, I was still drug to the movie theater to watch the newest “Avengers" movie. This is what I learned:
Thanos is the bad guy.
Is that how you spell his name? Yeah I'm not sure. But I do know that he is the bad guy. And his chin looks like a sliced loaf of bread.
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https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/JBJzwCXmTJs0NgnFtSPm_f5SMyw=/0x0:2000x1000/1200x800/filters:focal(654x138:974x458)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/59408999/Thanos_MCU.0.jpg
He is on a treasure hunt.
Have you ever seen "The Goonies"? Cause it's kinda like that. He's searching for these crystals that are worth more than anything else in the world.
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vMOnHXbNgDk/maxresdefault.jpg
Chris Pratt will always be Andy Dwyer
I don't care what movie you put him in, Chris Pratt still turns into Andy Dwyer. He's goofy, a bit of a clown, and not very bright. The entire movie I was waiting for Aubrey Plaza to jump out.
https://static1.thethingsimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/prattguardians.jpg
The green chick was super dumb.
I get it, you were kidnapped as a child. By this devil of a man. Who only raised you so that he could use you as a sacrifice later on in life. But you knew that the ruby he needed in his little treasure hunt was in your pocket knife. So WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU TRY TO KILL HIM WITH IT? Also, what would make you think that your abductor wouldn't try to kill you when he got the chance? You're a moron.
http://pbs.twimg.com/media/C941gQCVoAA1vU0.jpg
Why was the yellow crystal in that man's head?
Like what made him so special that he got to have a crystal in the first place? And then why is it in his forehead? Also, is he a robot? Cause I 100% can't tell.
http://img1.looper.com/img/gallery/vision-does-paperwork-in-new-avengers-4-set-photo/intro-1505311379.jpg
Racoon?
I have a lot of questions about him...
1. Why is he so violent?
2. Why did he have an eyeball in his pocket?
3. Why is he wearing a backpack?
http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-content/images/guardiansofthegalaxy2-rocket-ship-worried.jpg
Who is Dr. Strange's sidekick?
Who was he? And why did Dr. Strange have a side kick, but nobody else did? It's pretty ironic if you think about it. Dr. Strange is a wizard, not a super hero, yet he's the only one with a side kick?
https://www.sideshowtoy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/marvel-doctor-strange-sixth-scale-hot-toys-feature-902854-1.jpg
Captain America wears black?
He's the only super hero that I figured I could pick out of the crowd. I didn't realize that he would be in all BLACK. Thanks, “Avengers," I was confused as to who he was the entire time.
http://images.wionews.com/styles/photo_image_size_1170x645_/s3/photoimages/chris%252520evans-20180323042241.jpg
Population control.
Here's my spoiler alert: it's all about population control. Literally that's all. Going on the treasure hunt, killing the green girl, all the crystals... They all lead up to half of the population dying. The entire movie (three hours of my life that I'll never get back) can be summed up in two words. Population control.
