I've always thought that I should have been born blonde; my mom is blonde, my dad was blonde, three of my four siblings are blonde— and yet, my natural hair color is a dull, dark brown hue that is about as flattering to my skin tone as Kim Kardashian's bleach blonde hair is to hers.
From the time I was in kindergarten, I wanted to color my hair. Back then, I think the desire was primarily fueled by my childhood wish to be exactly like my mom. As I got older, that particular wish faded away, but my determination to go blonde stuck with me all throughout middle school and into high school.
About four years ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend and I was inspired to spend the summer creating a "new me"— I lost fifteen pounds, I invested a lot of money in new clothes and makeup from Sephora, and I finally took the plunge and colored my hair.
I don't have a lot of photos of me as a brunette anymore, but here's my best attempt at a before and after:
This was a dramatic change for me, and not everyone was in favor. I had one rude "friend" ask me why I had dyed my hair and tell me I looked "so much better" as a brunette. It's no secret that my brother didn't like the style at the time, and I recently learned that even my hairdresser spent some time trying to convince my mom to talk me out of going blonde.
I found my new hair incredibly empowering, but a lot of people didn't see it that way. In the last few years, many people have developed a stigma towards traditionally feminine looks and behaviors. I see that stigma manifest itself in different ways every single day: just look at how people reacted to Jennifer Lawrence deciding to ditch a coat in cold weather to show off her black Versace gown at a recent photo call.
I am very aware that my blonde hairstyle conforms to society's unattainable idea of the "perfect" woman— but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Anyone who wants to is allowed to pick up traditionally feminine looks. It doesn't matter to me that my hair is reminiscent of the now infamous Barbie doll, and it shouldn't matter to anyone else.
If there is one thing I learned from dyeing my hair, it's that making a traditionally feminine style my own is just as empowering as adopting one that isn't would have been. Many women are cutting their hair short and celebrating their feminine claim on a traditionally masculine style. That's awesome, but it's important to remember that you don't have to defy the norm to make a powerful change for yourself.
I love my hair, and I changed it because I have always wanted to. I was able to begin taking control of my life by taking control of my hair.
There's a reason why I don't have a lot of photos from when I was a brunette: I never liked how I looked and I hated having my picture taken so much that I used to steal my mom's camera and delete the snapshots she took of me.
From the moment I went blonde, I developed a new confidence that I never had as a brunette. It wasn't about the weight loss or the expensive makeup or new clothes for me. For the first time in my life, I had a hair color that I actually liked and I finally felt comfortable in my own skin.
If there's one thing I'm certain of, it's that I will never go back to being a brunette.
