December is here and that means that the Christmas Spirit is in full swing. But this hardly makes me feel any joy. In fact, it makes me cringe with fear. This time of year is trying for me every year. And while it can be quite difficult to pinpoint exactly the part of my life where Christmas became such a negative beacon, the effects are easy to measure.
The problem truly stems from Christmas music itself. For a myriad of reasons, the songs which are blared from just about every loudspeaker in the United States are horrible for my psyche. I am forced to leave my house with headphones to block out the sounds. If not, my health becomes a risk factor.
Let me explain the key force behind my aversion to Christmas music. It is not a simple dislike of obnoxious music but something much worse. When I was in college the first time many years ago I was targeted in a cyber bully campaign. I have mentioned this many times in countless articles so it does not need to be brought up in detail. However, one aspect of this dark time in my life has not been talked about much.
When I was at my lowest point and slandered to an extreme degree, I dealt with violence. Time and time again I was attacked and left in the freezing snow. Unfortunately for my opinion of Christmas music everywhere, these attacks happened at the same time of year.
My experiences of this horrifying part of my life have left me with PTSD. And one of the triggers that makes my mind wander back to that place of despair is Christmas Music. This is limiting in many ways. For example, I am unable to work retail jobs. While that should not be a problem considering I have a degree and should never be considering such a job ever again, having an entire job field be completely closed to me is problematic.
Another issue with holiday music is the fact that it is virtually unavoidable. I can travel to parks for my exercise routine or play Pokemon Go. However, I cannot make the mistake of forgetting headphones to block out the sound. Just like I must risk harming my hearing by turning the music I listen to up to near maximum. Otherwise, I risk hearing sounds that drive me into the dark.
Remember as you all celebrate the holidays this year, that this is not a happy time for everyone. There are many that are forced to suffer in silence because of social stigma. It is not seen as proper to speak out against this time of year. So to all that enjoy this time a year, I wish you happy holidays. But for me, I will be silently counting down till this grim time of the year comes to an end.
Not that things get better of course. February comes soon after and that time of year is the worst of all.
