I've always believed pretty strongly that everything happens for a reason. I also think, too, that once you notice one sign, other signs stand out even stronger. Suddenly it becomes clear what is meant to be, and you feel the cogs in your heart shift and click; the wheels begin turning again. The windshield wipers swing back and forth to reveal a clear sense of mind, and your eyes blink to dissipate the fog.
As Fall Break approached, I had been longing for a chance to go home. I, however, chose the school that is eight hours away. I picked the school above other fairly impressive (and closer to home) schools, and for some reason, doubts crept into my head the other day as I worked my Saturday afternoon away in the library. It's not worth it to mention names because the fact is I am here now and I'm here to stay.
Meanwhile, my roommate and I made plans to go to her family's beach house for Fall Break to get a change of scene and have a relaxing view while studying for midterms. This was the perfect second-best option to going home. It dawned on us that Hurricane Matthew might have different plans for my roommate and me when her aunt talked to her to let her know the house will still be boarded up come Fall Break.
I was texting my roommate about the possibility of changing plans as she texted me with that news, and I had intended to give my mom a call as soon as I finished texting my roommate. Before I could press send, I got a FaceTime call from my mom. See the signs I'm talking about? Everything seemed to be happening at once to point me in another direction. I answered and explained to my mom the change of plans—except the plans changed from plans...to no plans. Quickly I started searching for flights (just four days away) from school to home, talking through the idea of a one-way trip and driving my car back down. Each option we went through didn't quite work, so we kept talking. As I FaceTimed my mom (and my dogs whom I've been missing terribly), news stories featuring the after-effects of Hurricane Matthew played on my TV in the background.
It occurred to me that because I grew up in Pennsylvania, hurricanes used to not mean much to me it terms of how they affected my life. Obviously, Hurricane Katrina was devastating and I prayed for those whose lives were changed forever, but I only ever felt the impact of a few rainy days post landfall. Now living in South Carolina, hurricanes mean my friends' houses are in danger. Hurricanes mean my peers have friends at schools who had to evacuate. I was suddenly aware that, for a long time, I was leading a life blind to a world bigger than my own.
I hate to turn such devastation into a blessing because I know my life was not turned upside down by immense flooding and incredible wind gusts. However, I remain that Hurricane Matthew was a blessing in disguise. It came in time to tell me I shouldn't go to the beach with my roommate but instead take the opportunity to go home—or a kind of home.
My brother now lives in Atlanta, just a few hours from where I go to school. I, being six years younger, have not had many chances to spend much time with him. When I was feeling extra homesick, and extra lost with no place to go for the weekend, the cogs in my head clicked and the wheels began to turn; it dawned on me that it would be easier, cheaper, and better to spend the weekend with him as opposed to flying all the way home and possibly driving eight hours back. Why this idea had not occurred to me earlier I do not know, but I’m glad it eventually did—and just in time, too. When I chose this school, I thought I'd get a few extra chances to see him which made going eight hours away less daunting. I finally had that chance to take advantage of one of the advantages I found in choosing my school.
Hurricane Matthew indirectly guided me on a new path; while my heart breaks for those who lost their homes or lives in the United States and on the Caribbean islands, I can't help but trust that God sent this storm for a purpose. I, in combination with feeling homesick and longing for a break, also have spent the past few weeks contemplating my faith. I've been navigating what a Christian life looks like in college to no avail. I had seen on Twitter someone who pointed out that Matthew 10:6 reminds the 12 disciples to "go rather to the lost sheep"; Jesus encouraged his disciples to find those who had strayed from the path, to bring them home to the House of God.
The day Hurricane Matthew made landfall in the U.S.? October 6th, 10/6/16.
Matthew Chapter 10 talks more about the disciples going out into the world to heal every sickness and disease, say homesickness? I have been homesick for my parents and bed but for God, too. This storm now is leading me home to family and back to Jesus; it was just the shove in the right direction I needed. Maybe all of these connections are a stretch, or maybe all the signs were supposed to lead me here. For a lost sheep like me, I think I'll choose to believe the latter. The storm came to give me a chance to spend a weekend with family, to cause me to turn on my windshield wipers and be revealed to a clearer path before me.
I know now that my decision to attend this school was the right one; all my doubts are cast away as I realize being far away from home means being closer to my brother. Living in South Carolina now opens to my eyes to another world and a new perspective on the world bigger than my own. I haven’t even mentioned the people I have met that, through their Christ-led ways, have reminded me of what used to mean everything to me, what used to get me through all my doubts and failures.
In writing this, I find another irony in all the signs I have found; if Hurricane Matthew was God’s way of sending a disciple to heal my heart and bring me home, He had to have known there would be thousands forced from their homes. Obviously this storm wasn’t created just for me, but maybe in forcing families from their homes, God will guide others to shelters and in-land family to a different kind of home. There is a blessing in a disguise to be found in communities coming together to rebuild their lives or find strength in unity. I have to believe that there are other lost sheep like me who will be opened to the love and support from volunteers. Maybe they too might be returned to the House of God after witnessing the generosity of Jesus’ modern-day disciples: the volunteers and emergency responders.
The damage caused by Hurricane Matthew will costs communities millions of dollars undoubtedly. Admittedly, the damage I cost myself doesn’t have price; I told myself things I knew weren’t true, I dug up in doubt what I planted in faith, and I became preoccupied with thoughts that distracted me from school and meaningful relationships. So I guess that, at the end of the day, if we choose to search for the blessings in disguise, we all will find our way Home eventually.
