I Didn't Feel Beautiful As A Black Girl.

Born and raised in Minnesota since 1998, it's been a good home to me. Minnesota can be bone-chilling cold for about five months of the year, but it has its pros. There's Mall of America, which is gigantic and a wonderland for children. Minnesota also is the "Land of Ten Thousand Lakes", which comes in handy during the summer. Growing up in Minnesota has been interesting, to say the least, but it's home.

Being raised in a predominantly white state has been a journey and roller coaster or two. I've always looked different from the other children in my class, my friends, in my neighborhood, at the grocery store, but I always looked like someone when I was at home. The ability to have an individual to relate to as a child is fundamental and I felt like I didn't necessarily have that.

To put this bluntly, I was around white people all the time as a child and seeing a curly-haired brown child wasn't a daily occurrence. I just want to say that I have nothing against white people, but I'm stating the facts of my childhood. Both of my parents are immigrants with accents and as a child, all the other children in my class didn't have immigrant parents, which made me ashamed.

As I got older and middle school slowly approached, I really started to notice my race in comparison to the others. Middle school is tough and everyone could probably agree, but that's when I began to feel ugly. Most to not all of the girls in my grade were probably blondes or brunettes with bone-straight hair and looked the same, which was they were all white. I'm not saying there weren't children of different ethnicities, but not too much.

At that specific time in middle school when everyone started "dating", I realized it was the majority of white girls that most of the boys in my grade were going for. The straight-blonde haired skinny white girls that they all liked and girls like me, nothing. I'm not being butt-hurt that boys didn't like me in middle school because I'll be honest, I wasn't necessarily the cutest twelve-year-old. I had acne, weird hair, an odd style, and recently learned how to use make-up, which was a disaster.

Back to the real point and not my tragic looks as a middle schooler, but I developed this idea that "white" was pretty and women of my skin tone weren't. You see that's totally wrong, but I didn't realize that yet while stuck in a bubble of minimal diversity. Everywhere you go, in concerns to magazines, Instagram, and television, white women are always considered the romantic lead and the "pretty" girl. Women like me, they were barely given attention in comparison to their white counterparts.

I've struggled with the fact for years that certain aspects of myself that all results back to my ethnicity is the reason why I'll never be wanted or loved by men. My hair isn't long enough, straight enough, blonde, skinny enough, not curvy enough. Whenever I end up developing crushes on boys, it always goes back to the thought of "He'll never like a girl like me" or by that, a black girl. I've always seen girls that are lighter-skin than I be lusted upon by men and barely women of my skin color or darker.

It's a work in progress and I'm really trying to actually feel beautiful in my own skin, in my brown skin. I'm twenty-one years old and I can't remember a day where I looked at myself in the mirror and wasn't depending on the affirmation of men to feel "pretty". I'll never be blonde or white with long-hair, but I'll always be me. Everyone is allowed to their own preferences and I might not be that to each man that I "like". So, I guess I have to be happy in my skin that I was born in before it's too late because self-affirmation is crucial.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

10 Etsy Father's Day Gifts Under $40 To Support Your Dad And Small Businesses

Stores may still be closed, but the internet is still wide open. So, while you're already shopping online check out Etsy for your Father's Day needs and support small creators.

As June approaches, Father's Day is coming up quickly with it. While they may not ask for much, it's always a nice gesture to give your dad something special to share your appreciation. Although, at the same time, it might be difficult to find the perfect gift either for their humor or that will be practical.

On a normal occasion, it's simple to find a gift for your father figures in stores, but for the times we're currently in our access has become very limited. Small and independent businesses need help now more than ever, so what better time than now to support them? If you're still stuck on what to give for Father's Day, look to this list for some inspiration that won't hurt your wallet too much.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Helpful, Effective Mental Health Resources Specifically For The Black Community

These organizations are qualified, caring, and acknowledging the mental trauma individuals are experiencing.

On May 25, George Floyd died after being pinned to the ground by a Minneapolis police officer. In the last week, protests have sprung up across the nation, demanding justice for Floyd and accountability for police brutality. Social media has also seen widespread conversation regarding Floyd's death, Black Lives Matter, and racism in the United States. Today is #BlackoutTuesday, where many are sharing a single black square to represent unity and support for Black voices.

In light of the heavy climate that our country is facing, it is a safe assumption that many individuals' mental health may be suffering. We wanted to highlight mental health resources and organizations that are Black-owned and prepared to assist in whatever you're going through.

Keep Reading... Show less

15 Black-Owned Haircare Brands That Cater As Much To Inclusivity As They Do To Your Locks

Championing Black entrepreneurs who make some of our hair favorites.

The haircare industry is vast. With the rise of social media came hundreds of thousands of empowered, niche brands. Single entrepreneurs came out of the woodwork with hair brands that now, years later, have dedicated cult followings.

Of those multitudes of brands, few cater to all hair types, most made without regard for curly or coily hair. These brands, however, are different.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Women Of Color Share How Racism Affects Their Dating Lives, And Everyone Needs To Listen

"My race is typically a factor in almost everything I do, and with dating, it's no different."

Racism affects the daily lives of people of color in the United States, and other parts of the world, in some capacity every day. When it comes to dating and relationships, this is unfortunately no different.

Keep Reading... Show less

13 Movies And Shows On Netflix Directed By Black Men And Women You Need To Watch Now

Take the time right now to watch these fantastic films and TV shows directed by Black men and women.


Netflix is notorious for getting us insanely addicted to watching TV and films. From documentaries, true crime, reality, and fiction, we get very sucked in.

Right now the American people are fighting for the lives of our Black brothers and sisters, so instead of watching "The Office" for the 30th time, take the time to watch these 13 films and TV shows directed by Black men and women.

Keep Reading... Show less

I love working out, it makes me feel great. It helps my mood, sleep schedule and I just feel overall healthier. Recently I wanted to focus more on my glutes than I previously had been. At the gym, I would just go to the squat bar to do my thing and call it a day. But since we have been home in quarantine I feel like squats just aren't doing it for me but even if I love doing them. Doing squats I always have felt does more for banging my thighs than it ever did for my butt. It made them so big, which I didn't mind except I felt it made my butt look pretty much the same. Straying from squats, and the fact that gyms will probably remain closed for a while, sent me on a fitness journey to see what other exercises I could do at home with no or very little equipment needed. Hopefully, these exercises will help keep your booty banging.

1. Diamond Leg Lifts

Keep Reading... Show less

10 Podcasts On Race Everyone Should Listen To In Order To Be A Better Ally

Listen and learn, because knowledge is power.

Podcasts are such an integral part of some of our everyday lives that it can be hard to recall a time at which they didn't exist. Podcasts exist on about every single topic, from dating to celebrity gossip and Harry Potter.

Now more than ever, it's likely you're reeling from the news, and (hopefully) wanting to do something about it in order to educate yourself. Podcasts are one of the best ways to get the most up-to-date information in a conversational, personal way from some of today's top educators, scholars, and theorists.

Keep Reading... Show less

Stop Pitying Me Because I'm Single, I'm Very Happy With My Relationship With Myself

I don't need your opinions on why I'm single and you're not. We are two different people.

I'm so happy for my friends when they get into relationships, but that doesn't mean they get to have control over my love life, and that is what bothers me. For the record, I've been in four relationships, one lasting for three years, so I do understand relationships.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments