You were once a very important and impactful person in my life. Whether or not you knew it, your friendship painted wonderful colors in my day, everyday. Knowing that I had you to turn to when things went wrong always put a smile on my face, and knowing that I had you to share my excitement with went things went well always reassured my heart that I had a best friend by my side. For such a random person, one that in another life I would be unlikely to ever cross paths with, to take such a big seat in my heart is unfathomable.

You were so random, indeed. It’s weird to think how casual it was when we first met each other, a mere “hello” and “nice to meet you”, that turned into an “i love you” and “please don’t leave me”. Life’s funny like that. It subtly pushes a whole other human being, a whole other soul into your life for you to meet and acknowledge. For you to discover and spend everyday with, attached to the hip, hand in hand. Days full of laughter as you enjoyed their company, nights full of tears as they ripped down the tattered walls that you had built up from the last love and loss. You learn to love and hold them close…just to have life pull that person away as quickly as it pushed them in. One day, they’re gone and you couldn’t even explain how or why if you tried. To this day, I still do not understand why it is that you left me. We were best friends, soul mates…or at least, I thought so.

What’s disappointing is not that the time felt so short, not that I feel like you left too soon. What’s disappointing is that I felt like it was just beginning. I felt like our friendship was just starting to blossom, that we were just beginning to discover the intricate beauties that our two lives could create together. To say that you left too soon would be to say that in that short amount of time, I was able to enjoy the whole of you and your being. But that is not the case. You came, and then you left and took parts of you that I do not even know exist, because I never got the chance to discover them. What’s disappointing is the wonderful infinity that we could have wandered into had you not left, the wonderful infinity that now just floats in oblivion, never to be touched again except by my thoughts and heart that miss you so dearly.

I still to this day ask myself what happened, what I could have done differently, maybe what my life would be like if you were still in it…what it could be like if you had stayed. I blame life for being so cruel, for taking away the ones I love most because it doesn’t value my happiness as much as I do. I blame you for being willing to leave, I blame you for seeming to not care as much as I ever did. And then I blame myself for letting you go. I blame myself for your tears that I did not wipe away, I blame myself for the cries for help that I pretended not to hear. I blame for the fight that I did not have the will power to win, I blame myself for the weak grip that I had on your hand. I blame myself for the loss of my greatest love in life.

But over time, I have to come heal. I have come to realize that life does indeed move on, with or without you. My constant tears and sadness slowly evolved back into smiles and laughter. My mind stopped being drowned out by the thoughts of you, my heart stopped sinking through my chest as the clock ticked by. I have learned to live my days without you in them, I have learned to find happiness and companionship in others around me. I have also rebuilt that wall around my heart that you so effortlessly knocked down, but that’s not your fault. That’s life.

You love and you lose, but it is always for the better. It takes time to find the value in pain, but once you do, you realize that though the pain may last for what really is only a little while, the impact that a love has on your life will last forever. I will always wish that you hadn’t left so soon, but the gift of a friendship as great as your’s is that with or without you standing right beside me, you will always sit with me in my heart. It has been a long time since we have laughed together and cried to each other, but to this day, those laughs still fuel my happiness and those tears still comfort my sadness. You may have come into my life for what only felt like seconds, but you left a mark that will undoubtedly last a lifetime.

So for that, I thank you. I wish you had stayed, but I thank you for leaving. I thank you for teaching me the value in pain, the strength that blooms and is nourished from the loss of someone you love. I thank you for entangling a piece of me within you, because a piece of you is also entangled within me. And so though you may not always be in my life, it is a fact of life that most people won’t be. But to the ones who come and go, it is the ones who leave a part of them with you that matter. The ones who come and go, but also choose to allow a piece of their heart to stay forever.