1. "You can get anywhere on campus in ten minutes."

It takes twenty minutes to get from Mountainview to West Gym... at a jogging pace.

2. "Your meal plan won't run out."

Yeah, plan on reloading that card roughly three times every semester.

3. "Expect to do 9.5 hours of course-related work per course, per week... outside of class."

Just save time by skipping out on eating and sleeping, and maybe you can pull it off.

4. "You'll get into all of the classes you need."

Natural Selection at work.

5. "You'll have a few lectures, but most of your classes will be small discussions."

Nothing like class with you and 250 of your closest friends.

6. "Everyone comes out to the basketball games!"

What? We're Division I? We have sports teams?

7. "Printing on campus is quick and convenient."

Print on campus for the small cost of five cents a page (and your sanity).

8. "You'll be ready to leave after four years."

They're going to have to drag me out of here...