Have you ever gone through something so horrible in life that you felt like you could not say a word to anyone because they just would not understand? Have you ever suffered alone because you were afraid of the comments, judgment or constant questions you would get? Did you feel guilty about keeping it to yourself?

I know what it feels like to suffer and to hurt. I know the feeling of loneliness because you just cannot bring yourself to share the news with anyone. I know the restless nights where you stare at the ceiling wondering if you will ever make it through. I felt all of these emotions and more when I kept my incident to myself. The incident I am referring to is the night that I was raped.

I do not share this story lightly or casually. I share this story with a heavy heart and with the hope that everyone reading it will understand why I chose not to tell them about my experience. I also share this story with a new found strength and with a promise to anyone who reads this story and relates to it, that I am here for you and you are not alone.

I will not include names or dates in my story because this is not about my attacker. This story is about how I transitioned from a girl with no voice and no strength, into a woman with power and with the confidence to live a fulfilling life, despite tragedy.

The night I was raped is a total blur and a precise memory at the same time. I can clearly remember screaming and struggling to the point of breathlessness. I remember digging my nails into my attacker in hopes of saving myself from what I knew would crush my soul. I remember the circulation to my feet being cut off as my ankles were tied down. What is not so clear to me is how, despite my efforts, I was unsuccessful in stopping my attacker.

I felt like I was using all the strength I had in my body to escape, but it just was not enough. Once my body realized that it was too late, all I felt was numb and empty. I remember counting in my head. I would start with one and when I got to sixty, I would restart. I realized that I was counting down the seconds until my pain was over. I will never be able to forget the number 10:24:00. I was raped for 10 minutes and 24 seconds.

The way I felt for quite sometime after the incident was almost unbearable. I was used in the harshest way a human being could be used and then I was discarded to somehow try and live a normal life.

As I sat in my room that night, I realized that I was alone. The fear that sank into my heart after going over hundreds of scenarios of how people would react to the news was enough to keep me silent. I was afraid my friends would pity me for the rest of my life. I was afraid that my parents would wonder how I got myself into such a situation. I was afraid that counselors would think I did not fight hard enough.

Fear consumed me and fear led me to believe that me being raped was my own fault.

I continued to let this fear control me until the day that someone said the kindest and most random words to me: "You are not alone." Nothing prompted these words but when I heard them, I felt the life come back into me. I felt power rise up into my soul. I felt courage forcing its way onto my lips in hopes that I would speak out.

And here I am.

I know now that me being raped was not my fault. I know that I used all of my strength to fight for myself that night. Most importantly, I know that I am a survivor.

Of course, I wish that it would not have happened to me. I wish I could go back and change my path that night, but I cannot. I have to live with what happened to me and that is the key word: LIVE.

I am going to live a happy and fulfilling life. I am going to live a life surrounded by positivity and by hope. I am going to live every day with the strength, the confidence and the power I know I have within me. My attacker thought he was destroying my life. In reality, all he did was make me see just how strong I am.