Growing up in a small town just outside of New York has never cut it for me. Since the time I can remember, I've always dreamed of the city. Sure - the Albany Area can be incredible. Just a short drive away from my house is the museum, the mall, countless parks. My family is here, my friends are here, yet I still yearn to leave. I am desperate to leave, to go somewhere bigger, where my feet can carry me anywhere easily - yet no matter how far I venture in the area, I am yearning for more. It has never been enough for me, and I fear that it never will be, for I am a Big City Dreamer.
My obsession had started before I could stop it. The city was in every movie, book, and television show. Whether "The City" was New York, Boston, Los Angeles, Paris, or London, it was where I wanted to be. It was where I drew in my notebooks and where my dreams always brought me. When I was seven, I finally went to Manhattan for the first time despite it only being three hours from me. From the second I entered, I was in love. My complete and total infatuation for big cities only grew, and soon it was the only place I wanted to be. I remember the way the Manhattan looked from my view, I remember the sounds of the cars whizzing by and the colors flashing in Time Square. I remember feeling so free in such a large, crowded place. In the most stereotypical way, I knew I was made for the city.
From that moment on, it seemed as though every story I wrote and every daydream I had placed me in the middle of a city; people rushing around me, ignoring my presence as I soaked in every detail from the skyscrapers to the shops to the hot dog stands on the corner. It was everything I wanted and the only thing I needed, just like the people that I decided were my role models, were living my dream out. I constantly longed for the comfort that the city could only bring to me. As I continued to grow and venture, I began to feel that not even the "bigger" cities around me were enough. I wanted the biggest, the loudest, the most populated and popular. A part of me longed for the chaos the city would bring me. Perhaps I was just meant to live fast, live large.
A part of me wondered if I loved the city because it made me feel small - like I could just blend into my surroundings in peace. Of course, I didn't want to feel small or find comfort in feeling small, but rather feel exactly like myself. I discovered that in the city's atmosphere, I could live freely, blending in and being exactly who I wanted to be, just the perfect thing for me. I longed for the feeling of freedom that I felt each time I graced the city.
My heart has only grown to love it more and more in time, and I long for the day I call the city my home. In fact, as I search for colleges and future career paths, I tend to lean towards anything that will bring me into the place I need to be. I know that I cannot grow to my full potential unless I am there. Simply, I was made for it. It's the only dream that I've kept as I've grown. From wanting to be a doctor, a lawyer, or writer - I have always, first and foremost, wanted to live in the city. I want to see the world and every beautiful city it can offer, today, yesterday, and tomorrow I will feel the same.
As much as I can love my hometown and the things about it, I can only love it so much when I am dreaming of bigger and bolder each day. I never fear that it will happen, but rather just wait for the day. It is like there is a part of my heart reserved for the city alone, more so than anything else. I dream and dream and dream, wait and wait and wait - only knowing that I will dream of that city life until it is mine. My dreams are as big and as bold as the city I yearn to be in, and I will be a big city dreamer until it is achieved.
