Now widely known for his documentary and television show, just 10 years ago, Nev Schulman was a rowdy college student trying to pull off the earrings and long hair combo (yikes). He envisioned his future as a dance photographer, and insists now that if someone had asked him to produce and host a reality show on MTV at the time, he would have scoffed.
As comforting as it may be to map out our futures or even our next five years, there is simply no way to foresee some of life’s biggest surprises. In order to navigate such an unpredictable road, we will inevitably need support. Now entering his thirties with decades of platonic and romantic relationship mishaps in his wake, Nev has a strong grasp on both how and why we need to understand which relationships are worth preserving.
1. It’s easy to surround yourself with the wrong crowd—don’t do this. This advice may uproot memories of your parents worrying about you hanging out with ‘the bad kids’ in middle school, but the wrong crowd won’t always be toting skateboards and sneaking alcohol into school dances. The wrong crowd includes any friends who don't inspire you, don't value you or don't hold you to a high standard. These people will allow you to be complacent when you’re actually plateauing, will always forgive you when you don’t show up and will casually dismiss any alarming or destructive behavior. The ‘right’ people will inspire you with their own accomplishments, confront you when you flake and express concern when you’re out of control. These friends will care enough about you to call you out on your bull****, and when they do, it will hurt.
During his speech, Nev recounted the day that an argument with a friend inside of a Radio Shack violently escalated and landed his friend in the hospital. A following conversation with his disapproving and concerned brother served as one of the biggest wake-up calls of Nev’s life, after which the ‘New Nev’ began. The moment you realize you’ve disappointed someone who you respect, you will experience rock bottom. Fortunately, this face-to-pavement feeling will also inspire and force you to change to earn them back—and that’s how you know they are worth keeping around.
2. Recognize what a real friend is, and find yours. Finding himself today with almost 750,000 Twitter followers and multiple Instagram accounts dedicated to his chest hair alone, it’s surprising to hear that Nev regularly feels like, ‘the one who always texts first’ when making plans. Living in our digital age, it’s easy to feel neglected by our friends. This is largely due to the fact that, as Nev puts it, Facebook has ‘hijacked’ the term. We receive hundreds of updates on the personal lives of people from who we would never feel comfortable even asking a simple favor. Constantly associating distant and surface-level interactions with the word ‘friend’ is causing people to forget what a real friend does.
Life’s unpredictability will sometimes leave us in some unfortunate situations, and when you find yourself there, you’ll be thankful if you know who you can reach out to. Nev believes we only need three real friends in our lives, and while the number is obviously negotiable, the requirements are not. Whether you simply need a ride to the airport, or you’ve just found out your hot, online girlfriend is actually a middle-aged mother of two from Michigan, real friends won’t think twice before supporting you when it counts.
3. Show these people that you care—and “do better than d*** pics” when doing so While Nev’s advice about genitalian photography relates more specifically to romantic relationships, the sentiment of his words holds true in dealing with platonic relationships as well. The entire concept of a d*** pic largely represents the flaws in our generation’s interactions, as we are so magnetically drawn to the arts of minimal effort and non-verbal communication. A lewd photo to a romantic interest is the equivalent of a nice ‘Happy Birthday’ pic-stitch for a friend in replacement of a phone call. Not only will both likely illicit an ‘Awwww’ and a screenshot, but both say ‘Hey, ‘I’m not really taking into account what you personally would appreciate most, but this helps me avoid what could end up being an awkward exchange of words and is also a good opportunity to share a picture I think flatters me.’
We can, and must, do better than this. The relationships we value deserve more effort, and we need to re-accustom ourselves to making grander gestures.
