I am not my best self. I'm definitely not my worst self and I certainly am a better version of myself, but that does not mean I am my best self. With each new experience, interaction, and decision, we all are constantly growing and changing, and some could argue that because of that, we are never truly our best self. This means we need to determine what our "best self" looks like when considering it for future milestones.

I've carried this belief with me my whole life, that my life would be infinitely better once I found "my soulmate" or "life partner." That this idea of a person would be the solution to all the hardship, essentially serving as a magical cure to all the pain I experienced growing up. That they would be the ones to take the broken pieces of my heart and put them back together again. That they could essentially "save me."

But I've finally realized that that is completely wrong and unrealistic.

Only I can do that and that is perfectly okay. It's so important for everyone to realize that the only person who can "save them" is themselves. It is equally important to become completely comfortable spending time on our own. In being alone, we really get to know ourselves which helps us establish our own identities.

One of the biggest problems in toxic romantic relationships is when one individual does not know who they are or they do not like who they are, and wants to constantly distract themselves from that fact. The relationship becomes their whole identity as a person. This puts a lot of pressure on the other person involved in the relationship and can lead to one person feeling smothered, while the other takes and takes and takes.

I don't want to meet my future husband until I have established my career, accomplished my personal goals, lost all the weight that's been dragging me down for years, physically and metaphorically. These are the guidelines I've personally set for myself. Until I do that, I don't see myself settling down.

The commitment of lifetime marriage or partnership is extremely serious, and I want my first marriage to be my last marriage, meaning I refuse to compromise my goals or settle for a situation that is less than I deserve.

That way we can build a life together, grow together, coming together as two independent people, instead of creating a codependent dynamic, where we lose ourselves in the relationship. I want to be comfortable being my own person before I make such a serious, life-long commitment.

For now, I'm going to move forward with my goals, works towards becoming a healthier self, lighten up, and save all the super serious stuff for the years to come.