This list has everything! Cheerleaders, loads of cowbell, an awkward family dinner where the daughter is Buffy The Vampire Slayer…
33. Annuale (2008)
“And when it does come time for your period...hold onto your f*cking hat.”
32. ESPN Classic (2010-2012)
“Vagisil...when dryness lingers get some cream on those fingers!”
31. This Is How I Talk (2015)
“Old Jabba the Hut lookin’ white bitch!”
30. Birthday Party (2015)
“Hey Taylor? What’s that wrapped around my finger? It’s your dad.”
29. Black Jeopardy with Tom Hanks
“I bought the Madea box set from Walmart and if I can laugh and pray in 90 minutes, that is money well spent.”
28. Another F*cking Christmas Dinner (2008)
“You know what? F*ck Christmas. F*ck you, f*uck you, and f*uck you, Judith!”
27. Spartan Cheerleaders (1995-1998)
“My name is Craig, I did drugs once, I am a Spartan! So check me out!”
26. Whiskers R We (2014-Present)
“We call this cat OJ because he’s orange like the juice and a murderer like the athlete.”
25. Shopping With Virginica (2014)
“Why can’t my baby do her booty back and fourth’s?”
24. Live Report (2016)
“Matt Shatt is wearing crocs with socks! He’s married to the lord's mistress! And he’s wearing crocs with socks!”
23. Actress Roundtable (2016)
“Stop hitting me with that shovel, Clark Gable!”
22. Pageant Talk (2010)
“You are the worst! You smell like a bunch of old Bojangles Sausage Biscuits!”
21. More Cowbell (2000)
“I got a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell!”
20. Rock of Love (2008)
“Here’s why I’m gonna win Brett’s heart: I can do the worm, I’ve served jail time, I got mad skin tags, and I’m rocking one leg bro! So which one of you bitches is comin’ in second?”
19. Hollywood Dish (2009-2011)
*Bill Hader spits coffee on Kristen Wiig*
18. The Californians (2011-2014)
“I said go home! Get back on San Vicente, take it to the 10, then switch over to the 405 North, then let it dump you over to the Mulholland where you belong!”
17. Jennifer Aniston Look-A-Like Contest
“I’ve taken farts that look more like Jennifer Aniston!”
16. Matt Foley (1997)
“You’re gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river!”
15. Vinny Vedecci (2008-2010)
“You look strange and you also sound strange, you have voice like monster.”
14. Birthday Party Surprise (2008)
“I really love surprise parties! I’m so freakin’ excited!”
13. What Up With That? (2009-2011)
“What’s up with this? What’s up with that?”
12. Game of Game of Thrones (2013)
“I wish I wasn’t dressed as a dragon right now…”
11. Motherlover (2009)
“Cause I’m a motherlover/ You’re a motherlover/ We should f*ck each other’s mothers”
10. Celebrity Jeopardy (1996-2002)
“And if I am looking at this correctly, that is a picture of you defecating on my grave.”
9. Bronx Beat (2007-2015)
“It’s banana’s. The whole world is bananas. You know what I say? Live ya life because the world’s gonna blow up.”
8. Dysfunctional Family Dinner (1998)
“You do not talk to me like that! I am a divison manager! I am in charge of 29 people! I drive...I drive...I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!”
7. Christmas Miracle (2016)
“I met a nine foot tall goat man named Crinkle Mouse. He point a hoof at me and goes like *crazy grunt* … and I kinda got the hint that I should come with.”
6. Drug Safety (2014)
“Whoa, whoa, hold up! I can't talk to him?! I mean, I'm chilling in this dude's sweet van, eating all his candy, and I'm supposed to just sit there in total silence?! That is classic bad manners, man!”
5. Two A-Holes (2006)
“I want a 50 foot Christmas tree.”
4. Scared Straight (2008-2012)
“Hey!! Shut your damn mouth!! What? You think I never drink? Oh, I drank all right. And then right before my wedding my best friend took me on a tour through wine country. Yeah, I kept tasting different wines and then pretty soon I was cheating on my fiancee with some Asian lady. Is that what you want?! Hmmm?! The Asian lady from "Grey's Anatomy" punching you in the face!! CAUSE THIS HERE IS REAL!!”
3. Song Memories (2007-2011)
“I was having anonymous sex in the bathroom stall of a Bennigan's at the Newark Airport? and I was standing inside this shopping bag - so, if the cops looked under the stall, it would appear as though there was only one pair of legs under there. And this song started playing over the PA! And I couldn't help it! I laughed so hard, that the other guy's PEE came out of my nose! THE GUY'S PEE CAME OUT OF MY NOSE!!”
2. Adam Grossman (2008-2014)
“Hello, sweetheart. I'll have a Chivas on the rocks! I'm KIDDING!! I'm six years old! But, let me say, you are looking so lovely tonight. I feel like I'm EIGHT!! “
- Stefon (2008-2015)
“This club has everything asbestos, lupus, a doorman who always high-fives children of divorce, Dan Cortese.”
