Dear Best Friend,
What happened that made us grow so far apart? Was it that life just came by and we got carried away with it? They say if you have known someone for at least 7 years the odds are that you will know them the rest of your life. Maybe I just became too hopeful. I imagined us as adults with our separate families, but still being friends. Perhaps this was too naive of me. Seven and a half years is a long time to know someone, but at the same, it doesn't seem long enough when it comes to you.
I remember freshman year of college when you called to ask me my opinion on a girl. I told you to do what makes you happy, and no matter what you do I had your back. I was in your corner and backing you like always. You took my advice and you asked that girl to be your wife. Months later things fell apart between you and her, but I was there to help you back up. You needed your time to find yourself and remind yourself of what made you happy. Those first couple of months were rough, but I never gave up on you. When a year later she walked back in your life just to use you, I didn't judge you for your choices. I simply said life likes to throw some curve balls at you, but don't dwell on it too hard.
Now things are not the same. They haven't been for a while, but I just didn't want it to be true. It seems that along the way you gave up on me. When I was knocked down and hurting, you were the last person I could turn to. I hated to tell you things because I feared the judgement I would see in your eyes. When it looked as if I was on the verge of a new relationship you were always the one to ask if I really should be in one, or roll your eyes because you couldn't stand the thought of me talking about a relationship. Conversations with you were never as open as I wanted, or wished them to be.
What hurts the most is every day I want to pick up the phone and start a conversation with you. I think about talking to you every day. Even if I know exactly how the conversation will go and end. However, every day I know that if I just brush things off like always things won't change. You still won't be there when I need you, but you will still expect my hand for you when you are down. I miss you and it sucks, but at the end of the day I know somehow things will work themselves out if they are supposed to. Maybe next time I won't set my expectations so high or think that you could be the bigger person. Maybe next time I won't get my hopes up that when you start a new relationship you won't drop our friendship.
We both have school and our futures to think of and frankly, I'm okay with some space. In the end, I just don't want to be the person you come to out of convenience, because while that is convenient for you it isn't for me. I'm not always going to be here when you decide you want me, one day I will be ready to move along without you. I just know that I will still feel twinges of sadness over the fact that I can't share my life moments with my best friend. Until I do move on I will continue to be naive, and hope that maybe just maybe you miss me like I miss you.
