I'm always being hard on myself. I am so bad at wanting to see progress right away whether it's with school, work, or just overall how my life is going. And when I don't, I get so frustrated with myself. Others seem to have this whole life thing down, but here I am just not at the same pace.
But then I realize all I've been through and where I am today. I'm a freakin' college student who literally doesn't have to worry about a dime. I am able to go to school and I'm grateful for it because I've seen my parents struggle to get their educations. I've climbed out of what felt like the dark because of people who care for me and because I reached out for help.
I didn't have the best time growing up. I had two homes and both had their downs. If one place was miserable, the other was a solace. And each home didn't stay the same. I dreamt of the day I'd be able to be off on my own and have the space I needed away from home.
So when I'm feeling beaten by everything, I'll remember where I've been and what I came from. When I think of the person I'll be in five to 10 years, I imagine I'll be the same. I'll remember the days I was in college and the challenges I faced that felt overbearing were really small in nature. I'll remember the steps I took to pay attention and heal the wounds life had given me that really needed stitches even though I kept using band-aids. I'll remember the days I was worried about the way people felt about me and if I was hurting their feelings. I'll also probably remember how stupid that is because I don't even remember their names.
I hope the person I'll be in the future remembers what it was like to be a young adult. I hope she has a job she is happy with and remembers the day she thought she would never be happy working at a job in a male-dominated world. I hope she is confident in herself and doesn't give power to those who don't deserve it.
And this is what I believe: I believe she'll be all these things and more because of what we've been through and what we learned along the way. I believe we are never the same as the person we were yesterday and that everything serves as a lesson for us.
I believe in future me.
