I don't really know how I'm feeling lately. I get like this though sometimes, don't I? I let my own negativity bubble up around me until I can't breathe, or see, or feel. I lock my feelings away into a small little space in my mind, until someone or something, starts banging on that small little door, leading to that small little space, in that small little room inside my mind. Once that door opens, there's no telling what might come out. Could be a few little monsters, some random figments of my imagination that I thought I saw in a dream, but ones that's truly live inside my brain. Regardless of what they are, they come out to remind me that some days, I can't win. Some days there's nothing wrong at all, but I have to deal with whatever it may be that my brain wants to haunt me with for the next few weeks. I don't think I'll ever truly have anything figured out, and I'll never be saved. I want to be though. I want someone to see how I see everything. There's this feeling of such sadness that rolls in on me, and chokes me to death, and I can't escape. It's not flattering, or pretty, or healing. It's just something I do. It's something I've always done. I have to live with this constant dragging of my feet, and thoughts of pure anger, and emotion. I'm the most emotional person I know. Yet, at times, I can't feel a single thing. It's all pretty pathetic if you ask me. I mean, why am I the way that I am? What monumental, hurtful thing has happened in my life? The answer is nothing. Nothing at all. And that's the problem I guess right? Sometimes nothing is more painful than something. I think I want to feel everything. I want to feel the sunlight on my fingertips with my hand held high. I want to feel my favorite songs hit me to my core, while I close my eyes. It's what gets me through the days sometimes. And then there's those days that it just.. doesn't. It's all a work in progress. I'm a work in progress. I'm that road work that doesn't ever seem to get finished. But eventually I'll get there, wont I? I mean, if not, I'll just crumble, and start all over again. Time is on my side. I just have to remember that it never stops ticking.
CommunityOct 23, 2019
Being sad is okay sometimes
I'm a work in progress. I'm that road work that doesn't ever seem to get finished.