I always thought that having constant eyes on me and constantly talking to me was just someone showing me how much he loved me. Though it was much more than that.

My sophomore year I got into my first real high school relationship. It all seemed perfect. I was very happy and thought it was going to last me forever. Due to complications and miscommunication, we ended the relationship about five months into it. I went almost the entire summer without speaking to him. We eventually started talking in late July right before my junior year. It didn't take long for us to get back together.

The second part of my relationship already started out with warning signs. If I didn't reply to a text fast enough, sometimes it only took two minutes, he would get extremely mad and accuse me of talking to certain people behind his back. Other times I would get the silent treatment for a few hours. I began to feel guilty for having a life outside of my relationship. I felt like I couldn't have that many other friends because all he wanted to do was spend time with me. I didn't think it was wrong to spend time with him, but I had to push away family things and gatherings with my swim team just to keep him happy.

One incident happened one day before school. He was sitting in my car and I told him about a weekend that I had a swim meet that was going to last me the entire weekend, and I was going to be too tired to do anything afterwards. I have never heard him raise his voice as loud as he did that day, claiming that I do not spend enough time with him.

I never heard a thank you from him after certain things. He never had a car, so his ways of transportation was very limited. I drove him to a different city to get his ID renewed and did not get a thank you after I had dropped him off. I did a lot of driving with him. I drove him home after we hung out. I sometimes went and picked him up before school if he ever missed his bus. But I never got a thank you. I didn't mind this at the time.

One night in November was where I knew I should've drawn the line. An argument occurred while we were at his house. An old friend from my past had sent me a text asking me to hang out with him, but I politely declined. He slammed his backdoor in my face while I tried to open it so I could leave. I knew that I could not talk about what was going on smoothly if he was that mad at me. I tried to leave and go home so that we could discuss it once his anger was down, but he refused. Once I got outside to my car, he wouldn't let me open my car door. I opened it to try and get in, but he continued to shut it before I could get in. I nudged him out of my way so that I could get through. This angered him so much to where he shoved me into the fence that was next to where my car was parked. That's when I felt broken.

The relationship didn't end there. He made me feel guilty for him shoving me that night. I was reminded of it almost everyday for the next three months. I lived in fear during that relationship. I cut out everyone important in my life so that he could stay happy. Everyday I woke up and was more sad and angry than happy.

I grew the courage to finally end what was ruining my life.

I started to see things differently afterwards. I was more able to spend time with the people who showed me caring and love. But I also realized how much harder it would be for me to trust the people who came into my life. I believe I will always live with that little piece of guilt in my mind that I will never feel good enough in the future because of how he made me feel.

There are small memories of that relationship that I remember can push me to keep going. I've learned that someone can make your day feel good. They can show you love and compassion during one day, but that doesn't mean they will love you for a whole year. I will no longer settle for anything less than what I now believe I am worth.