Looking at this view before me, these trees that live way above my world and this lake that looks as smooth as glass. I am just a small person who is shaken by minor incidents of everyday life.
This view is empowering.
The way the trees stand tall, proud to live in their soil, by their lake. They cannot and will not be moved. I should be like those trees; Proud of myself and where I am. Like the lake; resistant against its atmosphere and the pulls of the earth remaining unshaken and smooth as glass.
I can't help but focus on what makes me different from these trees and this lake. My flaws who exists simply because of human nature my ability to be so affected by my environment.
Maybe if I looked into what causes the fear that so often compels me, I will find a way to overcome.
I scribed some notes in self reflection.
“What am I afraid of?”
I looked back up at the horizon in the distance with a million and one answers flooding my brain.
Skipping about a line or two in my book, I continued…
“The biggest fear, I feel, is not being happy at the end of my life. Looking back at the decisions I made and feeling nothing but regret. My last words being something along the lines of : ’I could have been way happier if I had the guts to reach for higher opportunities.”
“Even though I may think I know what I want, I have no clue. I could say I want Chinese take out for dinner and change my mind and ask for pizza an hour later. Why should I be expected to know what I want my overall career to be or who I want to spend the rest of my life with?
“I'm scared of not being the person every one thinks I am, or expects me to become. I fear of letting down those who expected so much from me, haunts me.
“I'm afraid of being so invested in the idea of something and then seeing my mind change right before my eyes. Or even, having my mind changed for me, the door closing right in my face. Having something make me so happy and then it just being ripped from my grip by someone else decision, or my own. I am scared of being so comfortable and being shaken to the point of absolute exhaustion.“
Walking home, I realized how strong I am. How much fear I have already overcome. I have moved completely across the country with no family or friends to accompany me. I chose study something I love but knew nothing about. I wasn't a master but I submerged myself and now I have the potential to become one. I have made it past the fear of making no friends and have made life long companions to walk through life with. I have gotten past the fear of getting rejected and have connected with so many amazing people because of it. I have not let myself be detained by fear and I will not.
Some times you just have to say these things, and talk yourself through these steps to remember who you actually are.
So instead of wishing I could just not feel fear and still letting it affect me, I will seize fear. I can use it to my advantage. I will refuse to hide myself behind fear and show the world who I am. Rather than focusing on how much fear I have to do other simple unimportant things I should focus on all the fear I have overcome.
