As humans, we're scared of change. We're scared of the unknown. And most importantly, we're scared of what happens when we let down our walls.
I recently sat down with a friend to catch her up on all of my "drama" in life, and the one response that stuck out to me the most was, "Demi, be open." I liked the answer, and I understood it to an extent. For weeks, it would be a thought among many in my brain, but it wasn't until today that I realized its truth.
I've been stuck in a rut with relationships. Men, friends, you name it. Stuck. I've been battling myself with whether or not to continue trying or if I should let matters go and move on. Said friend used the line "be open" to these situations. She told me to let it be an option on the table but not to let it consume me. I mean, that makes perfect sense right? But I am Demi Agresta, and my stubbornness exceeds my willingness to comprehend sometimes.
In one particular relationship, I've been pursuing the person quite a bit more than they have me. I like to think that I'm not one to easily give up and that I will continue to carry the weight as long as I think there's something to be had there. In the last few days, however, this friend of mine has grown more distant. Not acknowledging my presence, ignoring things I say to them, and when they do reply, acting uninterested in conversation. Of course, this has led me to more self esteem issues and the recurring questions of "should I not bother with them", "do they hate me", and "maybe that's not how they're meaning to come off. They put in effort sometimes." Some of you are probably reading this like "Demi, do you not see all of the clear indicators? Give up." However, I like to believe that people are truly good with good intentions, and if I get hurt through that, it happens. Everyone deserves a fair chance.
Okay, enough of my side tangent.
Tonight, after ending a very mixed signally conversation with 'person', I finally just felt the urge to give up. I thought I'd had enough and that this being open to the possibility of there still being a friendship was dumb. And then, I realized what my very clever friend had meant by the whole openness thing. I realized that I can holistically be myself around them- I can laugh and make jokes, be serious, cry, whatever my heart desires- and I can be open to the idea that they may go with the flow and chime into the situation at hand. However, I also have to be open to the idea that they'll react in the complete opposite way of walking away and wanting nothing to do with me. Maybe you're reading this like "yeah, that's basically what your friend said from the beginning", but until now, I didn't realize the opportunity behind being open.
Openness brings out the ability to be yourself. Going into a situation knowing that people can act any which way allows for the ability to accept it for what it is. You can continue trying and fighting for people, but you can also be open to the idea that people leave and new opportunities come with that.
My challenge to you is to walk into every situation openly. Allow yourself the ability to see it from a good perspective. What good can come from this situation no matter which way things turn?
"What we see depends on what we look for."