Being Open

Being Open

Find all the possibilities.

As humans, we're scared of change. We're scared of the unknown. And most importantly, we're scared of what happens when we let down our walls.

I recently sat down with a friend to catch her up on all of my "drama" in life, and the one response that stuck out to me the most was, "Demi, be open." I liked the answer, and I understood it to an extent. For weeks, it would be a thought among many in my brain, but it wasn't until today that I realized its truth.

I've been stuck in a rut with relationships. Men, friends, you name it. Stuck. I've been battling myself with whether or not to continue trying or if I should let matters go and move on. Said friend used the line "be open" to these situations. She told me to let it be an option on the table but not to let it consume me. I mean, that makes perfect sense right? But I am Demi Agresta, and my stubbornness exceeds my willingness to comprehend sometimes.

In one particular relationship, I've been pursuing the person quite a bit more than they have me. I like to think that I'm not one to easily give up and that I will continue to carry the weight as long as I think there's something to be had there. In the last few days, however, this friend of mine has grown more distant. Not acknowledging my presence, ignoring things I say to them, and when they do reply, acting uninterested in conversation. Of course, this has led me to more self esteem issues and the recurring questions of "should I not bother with them", "do they hate me", and "maybe that's not how they're meaning to come off. They put in effort sometimes." Some of you are probably reading this like "Demi, do you not see all of the clear indicators? Give up." However, I like to believe that people are truly good with good intentions, and if I get hurt through that, it happens. Everyone deserves a fair chance.

Okay, enough of my side tangent.

Tonight, after ending a very mixed signally conversation with 'person', I finally just felt the urge to give up. I thought I'd had enough and that this being open to the possibility of there still being a friendship was dumb. And then, I realized what my very clever friend had meant by the whole openness thing. I realized that I can holistically be myself around them- I can laugh and make jokes, be serious, cry, whatever my heart desires- and I can be open to the idea that they may go with the flow and chime into the situation at hand. However, I also have to be open to the idea that they'll react in the complete opposite way of walking away and wanting nothing to do with me. Maybe you're reading this like "yeah, that's basically what your friend said from the beginning", but until now, I didn't realize the opportunity behind being open.

Openness brings out the ability to be yourself. Going into a situation knowing that people can act any which way allows for the ability to accept it for what it is. You can continue trying and fighting for people, but you can also be open to the idea that people leave and new opportunities come with that.

My challenge to you is to walk into every situation openly. Allow yourself the ability to see it from a good perspective. What good can come from this situation no matter which way things turn?

"What we see depends on what we look for."
Cover Image Credit: Demi Agresta

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A Letter To My Ex-Best Friend

I wish things had ended differently.


You were my best friend for eleven years. We grew up together, hit milestones together, and did everything together. We helped each other through our parents' divorces, the struggles of high school, mental health breakdowns, and everything else that was thrown at us. Whenever I needed a pick me up, you were the one I went to.

You were a part of my family. You could walk right into my house and no one would even bat an eye. You fought with my brother the way I did and messed with my parents the way I did. You would even text my sister. Most of my family vacations included you. I got into some huge trouble with you, but we also thrived together.

We helped each other choose outfits. I dragged you along to all my dates because I was way too nervous to go alone. We had so many nights of endless laughter over things that really weren't even funny.

You were my person.

But high school changed things. We began to gravitate towards separate friend groups. No more good morning texts, no more venting about the annoying girl in your first period that had a crush on the same boy as you. I stopped hearing about your boy drama.

And one day it stopped completely.

When we saw each other in the hallways, we pretended we didn't. Our memories faded and became just that; memories. We stopped asking each other's lunch plans and making plans with each other in general. We once knew so much about each other we couldn't even tell where one person started and the other ended. But now we're strangers.

And boy, do I miss you.

A lot of people feel bitterness towards their ex-best friends. Angry at the way things ended. I just feel a longing for the way things once were. Yes, our friendship didn't really end in the most civil way. But that doesn't take away from the years of tears, laughter, family vacations, and countless memories we made.

I don't feel angry at you, I just wish we never lost each other.

I think about you a lot. Whenever I see you in passing or on social media, I think about what things may have been like if we never parted ways. I think about how strong our friendship would have been. And it honestly breaks my heart.

I want you to know I have no hard feelings towards you. I know things will never be the same, but I will cherish our memories forever.

Thank you for being such a huge part of my life.

Thank you for not only helping me grow up but growing up alongside me as well.

Thank you for getting me through the tough times, from my parents' divorce to something as simple as a middle school break up.

Thank you for being my person for my entire childhood. You are the reason I'm here today and I will never forget that.

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