Anyone who has ever dealt with depression -- whether it be due to major depressive disorder, dysthymia, postpartum depression, seasonal affective disorder, or the low of a bipolar disorder -- knows that being depressed isn't a choice, and it isn't just a fleeting feeling.
Nobody chooses their mental illness, and that includes people with any form of depression.
Because, really, who wants to choose to hate themselves? Who wants to live a life where they feel trapped in their own brain and body, where they either can't eat or can't stop eating, can't sleep or can't stop sleeping, where nothing is fun and everything is a burden? Most importantly, who wants to live a life where the idea of suicide comes up as a 'good idea'?
Spoiler alert: Having depression isn't some glamorous life of pretty mascara-lines down your face while an equally pretty and also sad boy holds you in his arms.
Having depression is not being able take care of your basic hygiene because you can't get the energy to do it. Having depression is being unable to focus on and enjoy something that used to get your blood rushing. Having depression is a fight to do what you need to do, likely being unable to do it, and feeling like you're utterly worthless because of that failure.
Another spoiler alert: Being unable to do tasks that are perceived as 'simple' is not laziness when you're in a major depression.
A person is not being 'lazy' because they haven't done a certain thing. A person is not 'lazy' because they're in bed all day, probably feeling trapped while they fight with themselves to get out of bed and do something.
While mental illness should never be used as an excuse, it's important for the person with depression and the people around that person to understand.
The person with depression needs to recognize that there is only so much they can do, needs to recognize they need to get help, and needs to be gentle with themself until they find some footing to start climbing back to proper functioning.
The people around need to recognize that this person is hurting, much like someone in a hospital after a horrific accident is. When someone's in the hospital, people swarm to try helping or send condolences and 'get better soon' cards. That's what someone suffering from depression needs.
They're both in similar situations:
The person with depression and the person in the hospital are suffering. They both want to get better. They both need the help and support of loved ones.
If you or a loved one needs help, there are plenty of resources available. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a phone number you can call for anything ranging from immediate suicide prevention to resources that will help. If the idea of a phone call causes an anxiety attack (I know that feeling), I believe they now have online chat available.
