I have always been an avid reader. Any genre is basically fair game, including the ever so popular, tear-jerking love stories. I was mildly intrigued by Jojo Moyes's novel when the movie previews began, and then my best friend bought the book. Now, I should say I have sort of a "bookworm's" rule. This means that if there is a novel and a movie, the novel must be read first. Honestly, I think it lets you appreciate the story more when you know all the little details that can't be shown in a 90-minute movie (or in this case 110 minutes). My best friend lent me her copy, and it took me a whopping two days to read it. Keep in mind, both of those days were busy with homework, church and friends. Moyes's pros are so well put together that I hardly noticed how much or how long I had been reading until I glanced down to see that over a hundred pages had just whizzed by.

There is a lot of positive things to be said about the book. I haven't seen the movie yet, but the character of Louisa Clark in the novel is completely lovable, and as a quirky, tights loving girl myself, completely relatable. I loved her aversion to "wiping bums" and being a caretaker, because I have and currently do both at one of my jobs. As a caretaker, it's nearly impossible not to l care deeply for the person/people you help. Lou hardly stood of chance of not falling in love with Will Traynor once it's genuine personality showed. Clark begins the job terrified of offending Traynor and walking on egg shells. Traynor in return gives her an impossible time, which to me is understandable. I can't even begin to say I understand the life of a quadriplegic and I know I would be a royal pain in the neck if I always had to depend on others for my care. However, their flirtatious banter soon emerges, and the reader is a witness to a love story.

Now a little about the emotional darkness behind this intoxicating tale. Moyes approaches a very controversial and real subject: assisted suicide. While many Fault in Our Stars fans (sorry, still haven't read it) may eat up the broad theme of the novel, I feel as though this one is very different. As I said above, I related a lot to Clark's personality and a few of her circumstances. I am 22 years old and still live at home. This often comes with the guilt of having not moved on yet, and being in the way at times. Clark gets the satisfaction of more than pulling her weight with her new job. She finds herself falling for Will, even though it takes her a long time to admit it to herself or anyone else, and boy, did she love him. Will was depressed and suicidal, unable to come to terms with his new life. Lou brought some brightness back into his life. At this point I feel I should say I have shed many tears over characters, untimely deaths or plot twists. Authors ranging from Nicholas Sparks to Emily Bronte have jerked my emotions around and stirred me, but for some reason mourning for Will was completely different for me. I couldn't understand why this character affected me so much. I had 35 pages left and was ugly crying, the kind of crying that makes you hiccup. I wasn't even sure if I would be able to finish it; I knew what was going to happen, but still.

I finished it, and then I realized why it still hurts me days later. I've never been in a handicap situation, one where I would be so completely distraught as Will was, but I can't support assisted suicide. After coming to that conclusion, I realized the hurt from this ending was deeper than that. Will had rejected Lou on a completely different level. Many readers probably thought it to be romantic that Will wanted an "able-bodied" man for Lou; one who could rightly show her the world he believed she deserved, but I didn't. In fact, that whole scene made me angry. Will's biggest complaint since his life altering accident was that everyone made choices for him, all the time, and suicide was a choice he could make. He couldn't come to terms with his new, restricting life and wanted to end it. But here's what got me: what about Lou's choice? Clark was completely in love with him and ready to go on adventures with him, but he denied her that. He decided that he should kill himself and leave her the money to live a "better" life than the one they would have together. In fact, after Louisa told her she loved him and wanted a life with him, he simply told her that it wasn't enough. What a complete double standard. I could see mourning and eventually dealing with a loss if someone you loved died from illness or a terrible accident, but giving you the ultimate rejection, I don't understand how Will thought Lou was supposed to move on from that.

I know this is a long review, and despite my hurt from Will's choice, I will read the sequel After You. I like Moyes's writing and may even purchase other novels of hers, but this aspect of such an emotionally charged story will haunt me. I suppose that's the mark of a good book, whether it's confusing, negative or positive, a good book stays with you.

P.S. - Do yourself a favor and do NOT listen to Adele while you read this. I blame myself for that one. ("Can't Let Go" is an extra no no)