Ever wonder about the reason why things click for us? How different views, facts or even habits seem to take a hold of us and our attention. Ever thought about what is it that makes you tick? Not like a clock, not trapped inside a routine that keeps moving on inertia, but rather ticking in a time-space realm in which you are completely aware of your persona; nothing escapes your mind as you effortlessly move through obstacles, in a perfect succession of decision and movements that assimilate art in it's purest form. Ever wonder if you will ever feel like that? Ever wonder if you can actually become your very best?
It was easier as little kids, smiling at everything and being surprised by the most simple things, that time when dreaming about greatness meant playing until the sun went down when everything was new and everything was beautiful. Those were the days. Luckily, life goes on in cycles, the seasons change, the leafs fall as the wind picks up, and the heat dissipates leaving us thirsty and tired--and well, here comes the cold and cloudy days that make the flourishing of the spring even prettier than I can recall. Then we wait until trees become green and the sun warms our bodies to know that the winter is over--Sometimes I forget to pay attention to this small details, to all these tiny impressions of mother nature's presence. The clouds that look as if they were painted in the sky; cause there is no way all those tones of red and yellow can be real. The grass that moves like waves across the prairies. The sounds of the streams flowing off glacier melt, into the rivers that lead to the oceans, the biggest fields on our earth, infinite layers of blue that provide a life for all of us. The same life that will inevitably end, but not before it had a chance to bring a new life into this world. A life that will dream about the same things we once did and hopefully will learn to never stop chasing them.
My biggest struggle has become justifying my presence in this world. Where am I supposed to fit in? The great picture of things doesn't seem to have a place for me, in all of its glory and perfection, there isn't a place for such an imperfect creature as the one I've proved, on multiple occasions, I can be. But regardless of my problems, it's in those instances of appreciation that I can feel as if am stepping into the abyss of my insecurities, as I allow my ego to accept the fact that there are better, more beautiful things than me out there. I force my vanity to quit stopping my heart from feeling thankful for just having the blessing of witnessing the beauty, even though is not part of me.
I don't think I would ever dare to define it, I think I'm scared of
cutting myself short from all the experiences I can simply stumble upon,
or maybe I'm just scared of finding out how far I'm from it. Hell,
maybe I'll never be able to be perfect in the sense that my idols were,
maybe I'll never be the best in the things that others have been. Maybe I
should just relax and enjoy a mellow life--you know find a job to work,
a girl to love, a house to live, kids to raise and a dog to play with.
Perhaps nothing really matters, because regardless of what I do I will
always be one among the billions of dots in this ocean of dirt and
I've struggled a lot with this, and now I'm finally starting to think that there isn't a point on trying, there's barely any reasons for it--you just kinda, sorta, do it and hope you'll never find a reason to quit. And how could you? When beauty has been placed everywhere just to motivate people like us; from the steam leaving a cup of coffee in the morning to a soft place to lay your head at night, whether is your pillow or your backpack. From flowers to sunrises and even a pretty girl's smile.
Well--especially a pretty girl's smile.
Is never losing that childish innocence, is always being surprised by new things, is trusting the unknown, is committing to an honest cause, is dying for a worthy reason, is the things that make people become sources of inspiration. These are the results of beauty being appreciated it by the right people. Love, happiness and kindness are proof that beauty is attainable even to humans. Beauty is meant to be appreciated, regardless of its form or cause. It's a blessing that we must earn the right to keep, cause we are all born with it and keeping it will be the most beautiful and enjoyable struggle we can ask for.
And did I mentioned how fun it is to never really grow up and to keep laughing like a child?