Why I Cut Off All My Hair

Why I Cut Off All My Hair

Beautiful to the last inch .

"Life's too short not to have really exciting hair" Jenna Marbles

Ok, so I might not be into dying my hair crazy colors, since my hair is black, SIGH, but I do love changing my hair. My hair journey started when I was 14, the year before high school my mom let me highlight my hair. It. Was. Special. Please don't make fun of how awkward and 14 I was. I already know.

My next drastic hair change involved me chopping my bangs and deciding to dye it back to black (I know that song popped into your head).

These pictures were taken a year apart. I know my aging process was a little dramatic we aren't going talk about it. Two years later I chopped off all my hair and donated it.

I'm going to be a little real here. Cutting off my hair was an irrational decision. I woke up that morning and decided that was it, I wasn't going to have long hair anymore, and gone went 10 inches of my hair. I honestly felt amazing it was a feeling I will never be able to get back. I had relied so much on my hair to make me feel beautiful. I had long, beautiful, straight (well that's kind of a lie we will get to that later) hair. People envied my hair, it made me feel good at the same time, and I know it sounds really dumb, but I kind of hated that my hair was the only thing I thought was beautiful about myself. I used my hair as a crutch, and it was time for me to get rid of that crutch. I had a new high, hair cutting and I couldn't wait until my next fix.

This was probably my best haircut, I must admit it. Going from shoulder length to a bob wasn't really crazy, again I felt lighter, but I couldn't capture the amazing feeling I, had after the ten inches of hair suddenly was freed from head. I chose to work on my other hair vice, straightners. I naturally have textured hair, 3B if you need the specification. Sorry if you don't know how hair typing works, google it, it's pretty interesting. For my entire life I have straightened my hair, fabricating a characteristic that I was not born with. Of course I couldn't just STOP straightening it. That was too easy. After reading this article, how did you think I solved this problem? I cut my hair. Obviously.

My most controversial haircut, just being honest. I've been told that I look like a boy, that my boyfriend wouldn't approve of my hair, that boys wouldn't like me without my hair. I'm going to get on my soap box, my life is not to look sexy to boys. If people think I'm gay because of my hair then they are small minded, if people think that my boyfriend controls what I do with my own personal body they need to reevaluate how they think about women. My hair has never determined whether or not I was beautiful, it has never determined how smart I am, it has never determined how I love those in my life. My hair journey has been long, short and everything in between, I've enjoyed every inch of it.

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved

To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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