I struggled with what to write about this week. I sat down at least two hours on three separate days and produced no solidified and valid inkling of an idea. My mind swirled at least 100 miles per hour and dozens of things were on the forefront of my thoughts. I had a million thoughts I wanted to say but had no words to verbalize them. Disorganized and scattered, I began the task of setting down each thought to rest.

One part of mind raced on the thought that for years I had wished for someone who I could tell my deepest thoughts, countless aspirations, biggest screw-ups, passions and what or who had hurt me most. Turns out, those kind of people are hard to find and even harder to keep. The lack of companionship (speaking on a purely friendship level) is a rather bothersome matter, I think most would agree.

Another part of my quick-paced mind hit much closer to home. August 6th marked two years since my grandfather passed away from cancer. Although these days are much easier, it still stings. I hate to say that his death changed me, but it did. Some for the better, others not. To distract myself from his passing, I became this extrovert who threw herself into leadership responsibilities left and right to drown out the shattering pain inside. Although my grandfather's death showed me more of what I was capable of as a person when it came to people-skills and leading others, I used this as a distractor instead of coping healthily; telling myself and everyone around me I was fine. I was playing myself and I knew it, yet did nothing to improve the situation.

I also pondered why I let what people said to me and about me affect me so much, to the point of getting myself ill; why the news only bears depressing tales and happenings; why people cling so strongly to terms as though it's their identity and nothing else could be an identifier of said person; why we care so much about what others do with their lives; the list can go on forever. And rather than rambling on and on about randomness most of you couldn't care less about, here's the takeaway.

I still have no valid or solidified point. But all of these scrambling thoughts have taught me one thing; to be still. Take advantage of that alone time and pray. Get to know the One who created a being capable of such thoughts, then hand them all over to God and let Him grant you peace. Celebrate fellowship with other believers, and find someone who encourages you in your faith and who you are as a person. Hold on to that person and have them hold you accountable. Don't hold your pain inside and put up a wall that everything is okay. Face it head on and seek counsel of those older and wiser than you. It's okay to think about such things, but when we hand it all over to God, He keeps our thoughts from running wild.

Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God..."