Today I’m going to bring you with me on an amazing journey to discover the truth about “Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice." Was it great? Was it terrible? Did Zach Snyder ruin all my hopes and dreams? Let’s find out.
Let me just preface this with my state of mind going into the film. After all the reviews I saw saying that the movie was absolute trash, I went into the theater with an open mind and an open heart. After all, I love Batman, and there’s no way it could ever be as bad as that movie in 1997 that must not be named. In the end, all I wanted was a fun experience, even if it was as terrible as people said it would be.
*MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD*
I was hoping that “Dawn of Justice” wouldn’t rely too heavily on the fact that it’s a sequel to “Man of Steel” since I saw it once when it first came out and I wasn’t exactly an enormous fan, but alas, it did. I want to say I knew what was going on about 10 percent of the time, but that would be a stretch. In between Superman blasting his laser eyes at whatever he saw fit, his emotional, “I’m a monster,” talks with Lois Lane, and Batman straight-up murdering people with heavy machine guns, I’m sure there was some sort of greater plot about the folly of man. For me, all I witnessed was an action flick that would make even Michael Bay proud.
From what I could tell, the main plot is that Batman is angry with Superman for killing people, but plot twist: Lex is setting Superman up and making Batman think that he’s killing people. Oh no! So what does Batman do? He’s the king of righteousness, the keeper of the world’s moral compass, and the deliverer of justice, so naturally he decides to create a giant spear out of kryptonite to kill Superman. Who has the monopoly on Superman’s “Achilles’ heel?" That’s right, the kid that does freaky magic tricks in the corner while everyone is asking who invited him, Lex Luthor.
In order to get the kryptonite from the baddies, Batman decides that an armed takeover is the way to go, as opposed to a quiet and skillful approach (you know, like the actual Batman). This spawned a plethora of “I’m Batman” jokes as he rained bullets of justice upon the criminal scum taking away the element for his super-weapon. What made the experience even more entertaining was whispering, “I’m sure they’re fine” to my friend every time Batman would shoot someone in the face, because there’s no way that he was actually murdering people, right?
Eventually Superman and Batman make up, but all of a sudden, this giant alien (supposedly the reincarnation of General Zod, the antagonist in “Man of Steel”) appears and starts attacking everyone. I’ll be honest, I was in the bathroom during the key scene that explained how this happened, and it would probably take 10 seconds to look it up online, but I prefer the mystery.
Wonder woman appears randomly along with fighting and explosions while Batman bat-claws frantically around the city trying to stay alive because he’s the only without superpowers in this bout, which just adds to the comic relief. Finally they use the kryptonite spear to kill the giant alien with the last shot of the film cutting to Lex Luthor in prison being a weirdo, thus ending Zack Snyder’s superhero reboot of “Men in Black."
All in all, “Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice” was a rollercoaster. The plot, acting, and script had the potential to be great, but ended up being the definition of mediocre. However, as an entertaining action movie with incredible CGI, I give it huge thumbs up.
As a B-Movie: 10 Sharknados out of 10
As a Hollywood movie: Five Christopher Nolan Cringes out of 10
My one sentence review: “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become Ben Affleck.”
