Following Bob Dylan's groundbreaking win of the 2016 Nobel Prize in literature, I truly believe it's time to nominate another one of rock's great masterpieces by one of the genre's best groups. And no, I don't mean the song "Barracuda" and the band Heart. I mean the comment section on the YouTube video of "Barracuda" and the myriad fans of Heart who contributed their heartfelt prose to the conversation, creating a lush magnum opus of collective creativity. Here's some of the finest.
1. Lost hopes
"AT 9 I didn't know much about sex, but I think I knew Ann Wilson had something to do with it. I could have built a family with her. Just saying." - Todd Randall, 8 likes
Here Todd reflects upon his youthful infatuation with the world-famous singer Ann Wilson and regrets throwing away his very real chance at wooing, marrying, and growing old with her.
"When I Was A Little Kid I Had The Hots For Ann And Nancy Wilson ANd Stevie Nik=cks Too" - Roderick Atkinsson
This modernist experimental comment contains unorthodox capitalization of every word and a heretofore unknown spelling of "Stevie Nicks." Much like James Joyce, Roderick uses form to express the disjointed, primordial estate of his ego as his sexual development moves between the latent and genital phases.
3. The price of our dreams
"I wish if i was born in the 70s ,everything back then seems great" - Julia Gwen, 160 likes
"@Julia Gwen stds" - Im Just Me, 0 likes
Im Just Me points out that there is a dark side to every reality, possibly referencing the Free Love movement of the nineteen seventies.
4. A bold challenge to an entire generation
"we need more female rockers, but theyre too busy with makeup and not having a personality, and the guys are even worse, theyre getting as pretty as the girls now." -Brenton Hobson, 6 likes
Plot twist BOWIE NEVER HAPPENED!!!
5. A bold challenge to monogamy
"Ann Wilson fucking rocks I can't deny that at all! But don't forget about Stevie Nicks! She's badass too! =P" - Alvin Akbar
"Alvin Akbar You're telling me about her? LOL When I was a teenager, I had posters of her all over my walls and even the ceiling in my room. My girl friends used to get mad because while having sex with them I'd be looking at the posters of her and dream that it was her. I can't count the number times I got smacked for that! :-)" - Tim Rubin Halcomb
In a strikingly perverse turn, Tim Halcomb opts to put a nose in his smiley emoticon.
6. Ron ruins dreams
"I remember back when I had my Trans Am this song always made me wanna drive a little faster ;)" - Tammy B, 317 likes
"LOL Funny you mention this!!! In 1979, i knew a VERY good looking girl in High School out in Quartz Hill CA that had a new, black Trans Am with Gold decals, T-Top and all, she took me for a ride, while we jammed Cars, Heart, and Cheap Trick!!!! Alas, we were only friends, she was WAY out of my league, too good for me, but soooooo freaking nice! :)" - Mike Tayon, 13 likes
"Awww....that's a great memory! But you shouldn't ever assume she's out of your league...you never know!" - Tammy B, in response to Mike Tayon, 15 likes
"She is out of his league." - Ron I, 2 likes
Ron, in short, ruins people's dreams of Trans-Ams and female genitalia.
7. Kevin becomes a man
"Saw them in Lethbridge, Alberta, 1979/80 and man...I was 15, drove my gf there with her daddy's car.......daddy gave me the keys and he said , "Don't kill my daughter" and dropped them in my hand......I was a suburban boy from Saskatoon and my hay bale skills in a car were bad at best....we survived the concert and then went out to the farm that HEART had supplied plenty of cold drinks........I went from 15 to man that night. God what I would give to do that all over again" - Kevin Larson, 137 likes
That night, Kevin lost his virginity and also his ability to end a sentence with a full stop.
"Larson Despite the backward laws that say 15 is still a "child", it's naturally not. Biologically, we're adults at 15 -> puberty -> reproduction -> adulthood" - Liberty and Justice, 2 likes
I should probably reiterate that all YouTube comments are completely non-compulsory and every one of them is freely made public by each user.
"Kevin Larson did you fuck her or something i dont get what you did still i am very confused." - Brandon Conn, 1 like
"If you are 15/16 and getting into a girl's pants you just make damn sure you are 17" - Kevin Larson, in reply, 0 likes.
Here Kevin demonstrates that a successful sexual encounter involves being OLDER than one actually is, sustaining two realities at the same time, and making one supplant the other by sheer force of will.
8. The steady toll of age
"Check google pictures and you'll see different looks of her. See isn't sexy anymore, sorry my friend !!!" - Danny Kaspers, 2 likes
"Danny Kaspers u wont be sexy 40 yrs from now either." - Al Jones, 4 likes
Mortality visits this Heart thread like a dark bird, or a shadow. Or is it, perhaps, the eponymous Barracuda of the song?
"Does anyone remember this song being in Shrek 3?" - Isaac Moring, 12 likes