What’s up with "Forrest Gump," "Duck Dynasty," and why does everyone enjoy "Dixieland Delight" so much? These are the questions that haunt me at night.
To my Southern friends, I’m sorry for being unable to understand you. Despite living in the South my entire life, many southern customs have never really appealed to me, and I’d like to take a moment to explain myself. For those of you who are questioning how one might possibly go against the grain of Southern culture so easily, here’s what it means to be a “bad southerner”:
1. You aren’t too thrilled by college football.
Somewhere, my father is crying.
To Southerners, football is somewhat of a second religion, but I don't understand its importance. On college campuses, the success of your football team often determines the funding of the university, and sometimes the worth of your degree itself. Don’t get me wrong; I can enjoy football, but you probably won’t find me screaming at the top of my lungs during a bad play or even a touchdown. Despite this, I can appreciate the South's enthusiasm.
2. You don’t enjoy hunting, mudding, fishing, etc.
Goodbye, I’ll leave.
When we celebrated Red Ribbon Week in elementary school, I remember my classmates’ parents being relieved for “Camouflage Day” because they already owned a dozen camouflage shirts from hunting season. Of course, I didn’t own any. I still don’t own any.
Maybe it was merely the way I was raised, but I’ve never felt inclined to go hunting, mudding, or fishing, even in the slightest. I honestly can’t remember the last time I did any of those things, and, forgive me, but I don’t feel as if I’m missing out.
I can be adventurous in other ways, OK?
3. You don’t have an accent.
My lack of a Southern accent seems to invoke the same reaction that a crowd might give during a magic trick. People always ask if I’m “really from the South”, and they never seem to accept my answer as the truth; however, as many times as I get questioned about it, it is never an insult, and I never feel any less about myself. Good job, Southerners.
4. Country music isn’t your favorite.
There, I said it. It sounds twangy, and sometimes I can’t relate to dirt roads, cold beers, and blue jeans, alright? Modern country sounds a bit too commercialized for my taste; however, if Brad Paisley decided to walk into my life tomorrow, I would gladly let him.
Although you might consider yourself a "bad southerner", you're still a southerner, and that is as good as any. I hope this article hasn’t offended you too much. Despite being slightly unable to relate to some of my devout Southern friends, I am still just as grateful to be surrounded by people who are so unashamed to be who they are, regardless of what they enjoy. And, although I may not be able to relate, there hasn’t been one moment when my Southern friends have judged me for being myself. The culture, of course, is not merely football, country music, and "Forrest Gump"; it's that genuine kindness that everyone exhibits, and their ability to make me feel accepted despite my differences.
I might not understand the South all the time, but I’d never ask it to change.
