Sorry, But Bacon Is Awful

I might be a little biased here because I don’t really like bacon all that much. But everyone is biased about something. So here come my thoughts on what I believe to the most popular breakfast meats in America: bacon. Bacon is little more than salt-soaked strips of meat, fried to greasy perfection and then ingested. It has zero health benefits and has been proven to actually cause health issues when consumed regularly. And oftentimes, bacon is consumed on a daily basis, compounding its effects.

Bacon is hard to cook correctly, and when I ate it I found it to be either too crunchy or it would be raw. OR it would be crunchy and raw at the same time, which was just the ultimate disappointment. Burnt bacon tastes like charcoal. There’s a 30-second window where the bacon is perfect once it’s out of the raw phase, and if you don’t catch it then it ends up having the texture of a fresh tree.

I never found “flavored” bacons to have any more flavor than regular bacon. It was still salty, but instead, maybe it tasted like a cherry or maple syrup, but only slightly so. It’s like “fruit flavored” candy, like Starburst and Skittles. Yes, they do kind of taste like fruit, but the real fruit will always taste better. So yeah, your bacon kinda tastes like a bacon-pancake sandwich, but bacon and pancakes separately is probably the more logical route to go.

Bacon is very expensive, and comes in packages that do not warrant a $6-$10 price tag. Sixteen strips of bacon for $8.99? Uh, yeah, I think not. I don’t understand what makes bacon think that it’s so cool that it needs such a high price tag. If you buy two packs of bacon at $6.99 each week for a whole year, by the end of the year you’ve spent $728 alone on bacon. On thin strips of salty pork! It doesn’t make any sense.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and if you like to spend a fortune on “salt sticks” then that is your prerogative. I, of course, advise against it: you’re not doing your heart any favors. But bacon in moderation can be okay. And there are plenty of bacon alternatives out there. And I don’t mean “meatless” products, I mean like sausage and turkey bacon. “Meatless” anything is just a crime.