Hello, I'm Penny and I love trashy television.

However, even though I binge watch "Jerry Springer" when I'm sad, I've never taken the time to watch either "The Bachelorette" or "The Bachelor". I was totally OK with this, being that both objectify men and women, respectively. That being said, I've seen "Flavor of Love", which I argue is better for so many reasons.

"But Penny, you love trashy TV shows. You're gonna love it! Let's watch it," said my friend. And so I did.

And so I'm here. I don't understand a thing I saw, but I'm gonna tell you not only what I saw, but what I thought of it.

So let's do this.

SPOILERS AHEAD: You have been warned.

This show has had 14 seasons. Furthermore, I have only seen the third episode of this season, and frankly, I don't know a lot of the men's names because they all look the same.

Basically, the show opens with all the guys talking about what happened in the last episode and all the drama there. Apparently, one guy (Colton, I think?) dated one of the contestants of the last season of "The Bachelor" (who just so happens to be one of Becca's BFFs) and was hoping that she would be "The Bachelorette" this season when he applied.

Dramatic.

So like six guys are invited to a group date with Becca, and who else is invited? Her friends from "The Bachelor" (which includes Tia, Colton's ex). Becca tells Tia what's going on and says that she doesn't have to attend the group date if she doesn't want to because things might be awkward. She stays because she's a good friend and also because the show needs drama.

The date is to pamper not only Becca, but the other girls, and I WISH dates were like that in real life.

She also paints the guys' nails. That's important because it shows how much they like her or something?

Afterward, they go to dinner. But it's only kinda dinner. Basically, the date is that they go to a restaurant and while all the guys sit at a table, and she sits in a separate room and sees every guy one-on-one. Romantic.

So she talks to some guys and kisses some guys. This one guy, Jordan, is a male model, and he reassures her that he knows there's a lot of pressure on her because he's a male model. Even though he's a male model, he wants to be in a relationship with her while continuing his work as a male model. Did you get that he's a male model?

However, before that, David told Becca that Jordan said he'd matched with 4,000 girls on Tinder and has a 100% match-rate. (Which is a big deal to Becca, but it could just be that Jordan is a hopeless romantic.)

Jordan gets really mad and yells at the guys about how hard it is to be a male model. He tells David that he shouldn't have messed with him, and "karma is karma".

Becca talks to that Colton dude and he says he's over Tia and wants to try to make this work because, apparently, there are real feelings there? Anyway, she gives him a rose. Show over, right?

NOPE.

After that, there's a one on one date with this Chris dude featuring '80s pop star Richard Marx! (If you don't know who that is, it's the guy that sings "Right Here Waiting for You".) There, they have to write each other love songs because that's an intimate thing you do with someone you just met and don't really know anything about.

He cried and talked about his dad and wrote her pretty song and made her cry, and then Richard Marx sang and they danced and made out. So that must be the end of the episode, right?

NO.

We see the house and David being rushed to the hospital! Jordan says that he fell out of bed and landed face-down, which broke his entire face. (Which totally sounds like it happened.)

Every time they mention David being in the hospital or hurt, they play mysterious music and pan to Jordan. So I imagine that we definitely WON'T find out more about it next week.

Dramatic cliffhanger. It's been like an hour. Is the episode over yet?

YOU THOUGHT.

Now we're gonna have another group date, but this time we're gonna play football because it's hot when men play football.

So this guy, Clay, is a professional football player. He hurt his hand playing reality show football and is rushed to the hospital.

We go back to the awkward dinner date thing we do here, and Clay comes back with a hand cast. Aw! Romantic! He gets a rose and the show isn't over yet.

Now it's the closing ceremony where someone goes home. BUT it's Clay—he has to go home because he needs surgery in order to continue playing professional football.

Becca is crying and the show's over.

So what did I think?

The show is stupid in so many ways—the concept, the people, how these people interact, how they react to each other, and the fact that people actually enjoy this.

That being said, I'll probably be tuning in next week.