I find myself spacing out a lot in my little bedroom. There are things to do but I don't need to leave my bed in order to do them so what's the rush? I've been living in that headspace for almost a year and I'm losing the self-respect for letting my mind wander for this long.
I am fine, I assure you. My writing persona is a bit concerning because I rely on my dark humor to lay the groundwork for my topic. I am not the sort of person who goes to the gym or is extroverted enough to meet with people out of the blue. Keeping myself mentally stimulated is bringing out a lot of unusual habits. Admittedly, it brings a bit of normalcy but, like many, 2021 is far from being the champion we need. When things are stagnant, you need to find ways to keep it spicy.
Reorganizing and decorating are the two tasks I seem to rely on the most. Mostly because I spend such a large amount of time at my bedroom desk attending class in the same setting. I find that moving things around on my desk is not enough to make me satisfied and comfortable. Moving furniture, changing my bedsheets, and hanging lights and drawings seem to do enough to keep my eyes wandering if I so need. I find my muscle memory messing with me whenever I reach for things; it's a little interesting.
"I'm busy, sorry" is the statement I've been preaching lately because nothing makes me more stressed than forcing myself to do things I don't want to do. I should be active, sure, but I can still find myself doing things happily on my own. People should not feel guilty for canceling or saying no to plans or invites to anything if they're physically free. Sometimes it's okay to say no to a game of UNO if you don't want to. Just vibe in the room and enjoy watching.
Doing the questionably dumb but safe thing is fun. For instance, I attended a career fair a week ago and I had a heart attack looking at my zoom video because of a motivation post-it that says "Don't be a c*nt you bitch" in the background. It was fun for me to notice my writing again. That's one of many things I've done. I've invested a significant amount of time on Tik Tok (the food, goofy, artsy, animal, normal side of it, not the drama Tik Tok house content) and testing out the food and DIY challenges. Some of it is kinda dumb and out of the blue but it's fun to watch and share.
I can't make up last year but I'll be doing enough to forget the mess and spice things up. The emptiness I would feel in the afternoons or late evenings is slowly subsiding. It does come back but I always think about the things I've done instead of what I haven't.