Leaves were changing colors as they were slowly falling down to the ground. Autumn had finally begun. I was trying to look up at the leaves that were still hanging from the branches attached to the tree, making it seem that I was not going to cry. What was he trying to tell me? Was I ever good enough to be with him?

That answer was already no, but I never could understand. "Don't worry, we can always be friends," I said, feeling undeniably defeated. I tried to cover up the fact that this was my way of "letting go." I lied about my feelings for him, but he didn't care. He already sent me to a destination called "The Friend Zone."

He was the only person who knew my insecurities, the ones that make you wake up at 3 AM. He told me about his family life at home, despite them always smiling at everyone they encountered. I wanted to ask him: "What happened to us?" He wouldn't have answered my question either way. If he did, he would've responded with a snarky remark of some sort. I still don't know why I followed him so much. He would have made me dig myself in a hole, and I still would have praised his feet as if he were God.

It should not have been like that. I should've put barriers around my heart; it's the most valuable thing I have within me. Thinking about it, I'm here writing about the fact that regret had never felt so terrible as it did at that moment until it didn't. I lied about the way I felt for him, yet somehow I'm glad I did.