As a musician, one of the most daunting parts of being a musician is auditioning. This can be auditioning for undergrad, grad school, doctorate, ensemble, studio, chamber groups, etc. The nature of the beast is, unfortunately, auditions. Some people can go through their entire career not being in a competitive studio and then there are some, who always stay in a competitive studio. Competitive studios make auditions that much worse because everyone is at such an amazing level. Maybe the oldest student is at the top because of experience, but even the youngest students can come in and blow everyone away with their talent.
It has taken me a lot of strength, tears, and endless nights of contemplations to come to the next thought: do not let audition results determine your worth as a musician. Especially, do not let results dim your passion and inner drive and fire for music.
This does not mean do not show up unprepared and get upset. This means that even if you tried your hardest to make it into an ensemble but you did not get into it, do not let it make you think that you are not worthy of being in a music. Do not let it bring you down to the point where you ask yourself "is it worth it anymore?" Not getting into a certain ensemble, making a certain chair does not say that you are a bad player and you should just quit. Instead, learn from what happened in that audition room. Did you rush because you were nervous? Were you so focused on getting the notes right, you forgot to do articulation, phrasing, dynamics. Did a certain run have stumbles in it? Take the time to reflect on what happened in that audition room, because you can only grow from your mistakes.
There will be so many times when you audition for something and you felt like the audition went flawlessly, but the cold hard truth is that someone else will do it flawlessly, just a little bit more. Ask your studio mates to listen to your audition excerpts. Chances are, someone will hear something that your not doing, or even worse, something that you are doing and you are not meaning too. They will be able to help you and even better, you are playing in front of people so when you go in for your actual audition, you will not be as nervous. Ask your studio professor if they can listen to it because they will give you the best advice.
You are worthy to be in any ensemble, perform any solo, and to shine as a musician. I know what it is like (a little well it seems at times) to receive an email saying that you haven't gotten into an ensemble or school of music. I know what it is like to see the attachment with the results and your stomach turns and you feel sick because you rather not know. I know the aftermath of looking at your instrument in the practice room and not wanting to pick it up. I know what it is like to sit at a concert and want to cry because you would give so much to be performing that music. I know what it's like to have people who just do not understand what it feels like to feel like a failure because they don't have competitive studios or they are that person who just makes everything. But I also know what it is like to stand up when you've been knocked down and surprise everyone with talent and hard work that they didn't know you had.
When it rains, it pours. Learn from your audition mistakes. Learn what you can grow from and how to enhance your practice sessions so that they are more efficient. Just do not let audition results determine your worth because you are so worthy. You have the choice to let results define you, or you can go onward and upward. There's always room for growth as a musician, hardships can only amp the growth when you stop letting something define you and you instead, create a new definition of growth.
